Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

That old David Bowie song is floating through my mind these days...why?

Because out of the blue, my partner and I have a burr up our butts to re-decorate our home. Complete with painting and re-arranging furniture. Anytime you move your surroundings, that means that changes are happening within yourself.


Change is always good....at least, I like to think so. We're also feeling more settled and ahem...older. Instead of Melissa Ethridge or Bon Jovi rocking our world, it's now David Bromstead (of HGTV fame). I'll let you know the changes as I discover them....it will feel much like looking for 4 leaf clovers!

David Bromstead of HGTV (isn't he gorgeous?)

Let's face it, my life doesn't exactly suck. I have a job that I absolutely ADORE, I make enough money to pay my bills, I love my partner dearly and my beloved animals and I feel...comfortable. I have what I need and have more than I thought I would ever have in my life.


Life is good.





More Musings Later-

A Night with an Extra Long and a Medium

I'm counting the moments until Saturday night. In case you haven't been reading this blog, I have tickets to see Lisa Williams at the Ryman Auditorium Saturday evening.

Williams is a medium that is unbelievably accurate when giving a reading. Now there is every chance that she won't be drawn to doing a reading for me, but then again, there is every chance she WILL. It's all in how you look at it. I'm very anxious to see what comes of it.

Also, to place the evening in a extra fun mode, I rented a limo for me, my partner, a friend and my Mom and Sister. Between all of us, we have Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's, Cancer, herniated discs, a torn disc and an artificial knee. So, a limo to stretch out in and relax made sense.

Before hand, we'll stuff ourselves silly with Italian food at Maggianos and leave it to our driver to mess with traffic and time schedules. Then, we'll move on to the legendary Ryman with pillows underneath our butts to ease the hardness of the pews.

Can I get an Amen?

More Musings Later-

6235 Adams and 2 sisters

Yesterday I went to Vanderbilt Medical Center with my sister. She had an appointment to get a port placed in her chest for chemotherapy and radiation treatment for the next several weeks.

We are very different from each other, yet we are so much alike, it's scary! For instance, we have the same sense of humor. We both adore dry wit. We both like to make fun of Rachael Ray and anyone else that is too perky for their own good.

As we laughed and talked yesterday, it made me think of how far we've both come. For some reason, I still think of myself as 12 years old and she is 16. I guess it's a sister thing. As you can tell, she is fighting the cancer with a vengance and she is fighting it not only for herself, but for my mother, me and all her friends.

I silently marveled as her phone was going off non-stop with text messages of encouragement and a repetitive message of "We LOVE you!". How wonderful. I look at her and see a grown woman going through some of the crap life hands you sometimes. I look at myself in a mirror and see that I'm not the 12 year old kid sister anymore. I'm so proud of her and I try to be supportive. I'm thrilled to say her friends are literally tripping all over themselves to be just as supportive or even moreso.

Both of us have matured and somehow morphed into adults. Yet, I think that our growing up years on 6235 Adams is what propelling her forward. For all the times we had to kneel in the hall for punishment where I was looking over to my older sister as she rolled her eyes and rattled off a commentary on "how lame" the knee punishment was. I thought she was the bravest person I'd ever known.

For all the times that I missed a curfew and our mom punished me by making me ride the bus to school in the morning for a week. Yet, as I walked to the bus stop, I saw my sister's car pulling up to offer me a ride once we were out of view from my mother's watchful eye. Again, I thought she was so brave to disobey my mother by helping me out.

Each time as we grew up, she would do something to make me feel that she was the bravest person in the world.

She's done it again. You watch, she'll kick the cancer's ass and not even break a sweat doing it. She's the bravest person I know...still.

Would YOU pray, send good thoughts etc. to her?

Check her blog out: "Every problem has a gift for you in its hands."

P.S. Mom, don't get mad. Remember, all this happened a long time ago! Don't ground us!!! LOL

More Musings Later-

P Diddy, Doc Hollywood and Me

About a week or so ago, I had the pleasure of interviewing my P Diddy Doctor, AKA "Doc Hollywood".

You're probably asking yourself, What in the hell is a P Diddy Doctor?

"P Diddy" is my nickname for Parkinson's Disease. Other people think I am referring to a rapper. It's all the same, only I don't rhyme when I have my symptoms.

Anyway, I freelance for Parkinsons Hope Digest and they are running the series. You're probably thinking, I do believe I'd rather watch paint dry than interview a neurologist about Parkinson's. I hear you. But, I LOVE my P Diddy Doctor! And, I will give you the type of conversation we had that didn't make it into the Hope Digest. Photography by: Mindy Schwartz.

Me: When you diagnosed me, you seemed to nail it almost immediately. How were you able to determine a firm diagnosis right away?

Doc H'wood: I'm good.

Me: Don't give me that! I'm not writing that down.

Doc H'wood: Whatever! (laughing) (Then he launches into his diatribe of neuro dialogue).

Doc H'wood: She keeps taking pictures of me. What should I do? Pose?

Dr. Martin Wagner, AKA Doc Hollywood

Me: Act natural if that is possible.

Doc H'wood: Ok. (He continues pontificating about getting honors in all his neurology and psychology classes at Baylor University.)

Me: You went to some excellent schools. I can almost see your brain throbbing from knowledge. Your receptionist told me you went to the "Domenican Republic Brain Academy, specializing in P Diddy disease."

Doc H'wood shoots me a look.

Me: Kidding. Take a joke, Doc! (He is laughing at me)

Doc H'wood: Nice shirt

Me: I think of you each time I wear it. It's better than wearing the other one I have...

Doc H'wood: What happened?

Me: I wore my 'I'm not getting jiggy with it, I have Parkinson's" shirt to the Opryland Hotel. I arrived at peak blue hair time (senior citizen time=4pm). They were PISSED. They followed me all over that hotel and fussed at me! I couldn't convince them I had the disease! They thought I was making fun of them. Jeez, if you can't laugh at yourself....

Doc H'wood: I wished I could have seen that.

I shoot HIM a look.

Me: That's why I like you. I remember the first and only time I complained about having Parkinson's to you.

Doc H'wood: What did I say? I don't remember.

Me: I was moaning about it one day during my appointment and I noticed you weren't saying anything. I looked up at you and you handed me my scripts and said, "Yeah, it sucks." I left your office and sat in my car and laughed until I cried!

Doc H'wood: You're weird. Not really, you crack me up!

Me: Really?

Doc H'wood: No.

More Musings Later-

***********************************************************

UPDATE: My sister's cancer HAS NOT spread! We are all faithfully praying for her and will continue to do so. I would be grateful if readers of this blog would pray, send good thoughts, etc. for her as well. Read about her journey HERE: "Every problem has a gift for you in its hands."

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Morning Affirmation

Recently, my sister was diagnosed with rectal cancer. It has been an extremely emotional time for her and our family and friends. She is an incredibly strong woman and I am a firm believer in "THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS, CHOOSE THE GOOD ONES."

Therefore, I created a mantra for her entitled: "You Are Healed". To read more about her journey, Click HERE. In the meantime, enjoy a morning affirmation.

I've Got A Secret, A Ticket and a Corkboard!

I've got a Secret, do you?

Did you catch Oprah Winfrey's show yesterday? It's one of the incredible perks of being self-employed. I am up to my eyeballs in work, but I made myself stop and watch for 60 glorious minutes.

She had a panel that discussed "The Secret," the book that I have read cover to cover and believe in, with its simplistic message. The idea is to train yourself to think positive thoughts, determine what you want and then focus on it. Believe me, it's easy to get off-track on this, especially when 'life happens'. But, it takes diligence. Are you thinking or worrying right now? DON'T. Replace the thought with a positive affirmation.

I swear it works. I see some of you smirking out there....go ahead, try it!

I've Got a Ticket, Do You?

To Lisa Williams, that is! You remember her, don't you? She is the English medium that briefly had a television show on the Bravo Network.

Lisa Williams, Clairvoyant

I LOVE this woman! Not only is she the most accurate clairvoyant I've ever seen, she is so herself. My favorite part of the show was when she would walk around on a crowded street and pick people out of the crowd and give them messages from loved ones and acquaintances. The looks on those people's faces when Lisa began her reading was incredible.

She uses her gift with wisdom too. That is something that is sorely missing in alot of people these days. So, I will be seated at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville, TN watching her work.

I'm sure that the "Mother Church of Country Music" will never be the same again. It would be interesting to hear if there are messages from performers from beyond that have stood on that very stage. Remember, more than Country Music artists have played there.

Some of the artists: Elvis, Fanny Brice, Tallula Bankhead, Ethel Barrymore, Enrico Caruso, Charlie Chaplin, Betty Grable, Katherine Hepburn and Carol Channing to name a few.

I'll let you know what she has to say that night in Nashville.

And a Corkboard

I don't have it yet, but will get it as soon as possible. This relates to the Secret, but I will put pictures, affirmations and anything else I think of that I want in my life. It will be "My Time" when I post pics or reminders on this board.

Ya know, sometimes Life can make you feel like you've been hit with a two by four, but it just makes the other times feel fabulous.

Ain't life great?

Cheers!

More Musings Later-

Teen Idols

I actually feel sorry for young girls these days...where are all the teen idols?

Nowadays, they fade in and out faster than most people change their underwear. Right now, I believe that 16 year old David from American Idol is it. Heck, maybe there is someone else? I just don't see the magazines or verbiage that I have come to know and love.

My #1 Teen Idol Favorite (I'm dating myself, so be kind)

David Cassidy

Other Favorites:

Donny Osmond

Jay Osmond

The Osmond Brothers (including the deaf brothers and Marie, oh and Jimmy)

Tony DeFranco

The DeFranco Family (A Hispanic version of the Osmonds)

Michael Jackson

The Jackson 5

Teen Idols that I DIDN"T LIKE

Bobby Sherman - He had the weirdest smile. And, his hair looked like a helmet.

Rick Springfield - He looked like a woman back then with that hair. And, he always had a surprised look on his face. Can we say, "Deported?"

Leif Garrett - He looked like a girl to me. And, I didn't like his pictures because, well...his pants were so tight, you could tell what religion he was. Very frightening for a young, teenage girl. Have you seen him lately? I'm still frightened.

Let's see, as for magazines, I bought a BUTTLOAD of the following:

16 Magazine

Tiger Beat (my preference)

Tiger Beat special editions (focusing on one idol)

And, the verbiage I miss! What do I mean? I'll give you an example.

"David Cassidy is my FAV, COS he is so Dreamy!!!" (I know, GAG)

"The OsBros are going on tour! Be sure and order your Donny pillow case!"

The merchandising alone, these guys raked in major BUCKS

Next post, I'll do a "Where are they now?"

More Musings Later-

Hate comes in all Varieties

I grew up on the border of Louisiana and Southeast Texas. My neighborhood was inhabited by "God-fearing Christians". Lilly-white, middle class Americans which consisted of a married couple (male/female) and 2.5 children. The station wagons were the vehicle of choice and 95% of the men went to work at one of the many oil refineries. The women stayed home and raised the children.

My neighborhood was also inhabited by men who rode in flatbed trucks at night with crosses made of lumber loaded in the back. I remember one day playing outside alone in the front yard. The sun was starting to set and I heard the rattle of flatbed trucks coming down the street. In proud procession, I saw my neighbors dressed in white hoods where I felt they wore a proud, yet smug grin. I remember feeling afraid as the hair on my neck stood on end. I learned about the KKK in school and I was getting an education in my front yard as well. I've known people that were killed by the KKK. I knew the damage they were doing.

I remember I drove my friend and I to a mutual friend's wedding in Vidor, Texas. At first, she declined to go. Then, she refused to go as much as I tried to convince her. Finally after talking in earnest and swearing to her that it would be a trip to the wedding, then I would take her home immediately after.

When I picked her up, we chatted about our friend getting married and about attending college. We were having a nice time during our trip to the wedding. I looked in the rearview mirror and my stomach clenched. I tried not to alarm her, but picked up speed. The truck behind me matched me. My friend, "K" saw the look on my face and looked behind us. I remember the fear in her eyes, the tears of embarrassment, the anger of giving in and attending a wedding she was invited to.

I asked her to brace herself as I was going to try and lose them. I tried turning on various roads until I became lost myself. Finally, I lost the men in the truck. My friend was exhausted. I pulled into her driveway to bring her home safe and sound as we missed the wedding. We both cried for a moment and I tried to apologize. It was at that moment that I knew what it must feel like to be black living in the south while being chased by the KKK. I felt that instead of the year being 1982, that is was 1928. Hate comes in all varieties.

Many years later, I am watching the local news. A gay man living in Warren county, Tennessee is being tormented by 3 homophobic teens. They have tried destroying his home as well as spray painting hate slogans all over his home. He can't leave his home for fear of being killed.

Hate comes in all varieties.

I read the other day that illegal aliens are allowed to marry in the United States. Yet, 2 law abiding, tax paying citizens that happen to be the same gender are refused. Our government is saying loud and clear, "Illegal aliens are recognized in our country, even though they are breaking the law. However, Gay Americans are not valid. Period."

It reminds me of the quote:

“I am the Love that dare not speak its name.”Alfred Bruce Douglas (1870 – 1945) Uranian poet (referring to his homosexual relationship with Oscar Wilde)
Hate comes in all varieties.

Just last week, I encountered an attorney who has taken an oath to provide justice for those who have been wronged. Because, in our country, you are innocent until proven guilty. He saw me and for an instant, I could see "that look" in his eyes. The explanation that "gay partnership is not the same as legal marriage" fell in useless disarray at my feet. I've been condemned as being a sinner and less than any other United States citizen.

Hate comes in all varieties

What year is this anyway?

More Musings Later-

"The Mango Tree Cafe, Loi Kroh Road" Wins Award!

Well, Kids; I can now say that Alan Solomon and I have written an Award Winning Book!

So, I am proud to announce that "The Mango Tree Cafe, Loi Kroh Road" has WON in the following category: Best Online Marketing. As a result, I will be receiving a gold medal and the book will be categorized as a winning novel, along with the info below:

Finalists and Winners will also receive:A listing in the 2008 Next Generation Indie Book Awards Catalog which will be distributed to book buyers, media, and others! Exposure for a full year at http://www.indiebookawards.com/ as a Winner.

PLUS, the top 70 books will be reviewed by New York literary agent Marilyn Allen of Allen O'Shea Literary Agency or one of Ms. Allen's co-agents for possible representation in areas such as distribution, foreign rights, film rights, and other rights.

Ms. Allen has over 25 years of sales and marketing experience, including serving as Senior Vice President, Associate Publisher, and Director of Marketing for Harper Collins and directing sales and marketing teams for Simon & Schuster, Penguin Books and Avon Books.

Ms. Allen has had the pleasure of working with many best-selling authors including Stephen King, Ken Follett, Barbara Kingsolver, John Gray, Mary Higgins Clark, and many more.

Alan and I wish to thank YOU for being an important part of this award!

Cheers!

More Musings Later-

The Great Pennies, Nickels and Dimes Campaign

A couple of days ago, my sister mentioned that a friend of hers was very ill. As I read her email and then later listened to her speak of him, I realized that he must be a very special person.

A very special person that I think YOU should know about. In our muddled up world of political campaigns, weather catastrophes and the rat race of making a living, his struggles made me stop and think. Her friend, Mike Serna happens to be Native American and celebrates his heritage with wisdom, soulfulness and spirituality. He is also an award winning flutist, songwriter, men's traditional dancer, and documentary creator to name a few talents.

And, he is kind. To illustrate, The Circle of Friends and friends from the Native Community held a benefit for 2 year old JJ Estep who was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Mike drove all the way from Chattanooga on a work night to play 3 songs on his Native Flute, and then drove all the way back so he could be at work early the next morning. Mike did this on his own dime. He reaches out to others without a moment's thought of his own inconvenience. He is due the same from his friends.

He is walking a journey that is very difficult right now. He is battling liver disease and is only able to work sporadically. The chemo he has been taking for the last 6 months hasn't been working. I don't have to tell you that health insurance is a huge issue financially.

So, I am asking that you donate any spare change you may have around the house or office. All proceeds go to assist Mike and his family.

This experience for Mike I'm sure, feels much like climbing a mountain. So, I leave you with these words for Mike;

A Prayer

Nii nahii'maa at'e, ya nahiika'ee at'e.Â

Ik aa'ye iidenka ashii nadndaal. ei nanlwogo aniile shiiyii'ii.Â

Sadnleel da'ya'dee nzho

Da' nzho, Abaachii miizaa

Translation for the White Man (Magaanii)

The earth is our Mother, the sky is our Father

Run to the mountain and back; it will make you strong, my son.

Long life, old age, everything good...

I pray in the Apache language

CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS ON HOW TO DONATE

Why Prey Tell, is Paula Abdul a Singing Judge?

I don't get it. She's not a singer. We've heard proof of that. Yet, Simon Cowell thinks she is a great judge of voice.

I don't know...if I were one of those contestants, I would laugh if she offered me advice about singing. They are so far superior to her it's not even funny.

Now, she is quite effective with the fashion commentary..."You look gorgeous tonight. You rock." she mutters in her Xanax induced fog.

Did you see where she critiqued a singer on a song he hadn't sung yet? That's what I mean. She's pathetic.

NOW she wants to be on "Dancing with the Stars". Sounds great....except for one thing. She is considered a professional dancer. Remember? she is a choreographer and worked with Janet and Michael Jackson in her hey day.

Sometimes I want to grab her by the shoulders and shout, "WAKE UP!"

Now, can someone tell me why she was selected as a singing critic?

More Musings Later-

I'm Getting Sick of Reality Shows

Ok, they were interesting in the beginning. You know the ones I am referring to:

• The Bachelor/Bachelorette
• American Idol
• Hell's Kitchen
• HGTV's New Host Competition
• Big Brother
• Food Channel's various reality shows

And many many more...

I am tired of the "dramatic music" the "immunity challenges" the prounouncement of "You're safe!" and the ridiculous emotions.

These challenges or games that grown men and women play seem so childish and they are totally oblivious.

I watched "The Bachelor" once. That was enough. Being a feminist, the idea of a group of grown women groveling over 1 man turned my stomach. But let's put that aside for a moment, shall we?

What absolutely killed me is that when these women were "eliminated" from the bachelor's list of his future wife, these women would discuss how they felt about being eliminated as they were being driven home.

"Oh! I was so in love with him! I'll never get over it!" the woman would wail. Huh? How long have you known him? a few days? a week maybe? Get over yourself!!!!

My favorite part though (NOT) is when the bachelor gives each bachelorette a rose so that they are "safe". (Tag, you're it. Here we go round the mulberry bush).

It goes something like this: "(insert name), Will you accept this rose?"

"Oh, Darling! Of course!!" (more groveling to ensue).

Also worth mentioning: Travis Stork's new book, "Don't be that girl". You know, the kind that go on a reality tv show and grovel over one man. Travis was the mild mannered Nashvillian doctor who was the nice guy on "The Bachelor" . I saw him on a tv show (Dr Phil) pitching the book and I thought "Hmmmm, he is dispensing advice to women about dating and relationships. Yet, he struggles with the same issues. Interesting."

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Hell's Kitchen

I still like to watch this show somewhat...although Chef Gordon Ramsey goes overboard with the antics. When he gets his group of chefs for the show, I sit and ponder, Is this really the best he could find? I'm worried if that is the case.

One show, he asked each chef to make their speciality dish. He tasted one dish and made a tormented face and threw up into a nearby garbage pail.

Yeah, we get it. The dish sucked. Do we have to see what you ate for dinner last night to get the message?

Sheesh....bring back the sitcoms. I miss All in the Family, Roseanne, and Will and Grace. Oh, don't forget my new favorites: Anthony Bourdain's Travels and Andrew Zimmer's Bizarre Foods.

More Musings Later-

My Beagle speaks YIDDISH

It's true. My partner was lying in the bed the other evening playing with my beagle, Baby.

When she decided to calm her down for the night, she said something that absolutely stunned me. Why? because my beagle understood it!!! Apparently, she taught her some Yiddish words while I slept at night and she couldn't sleep. She was trying to teach her to lay her head down in English, and it wasn't working.



The phrase she used was, "Baby, come lay your keppy down," and sure enough, Baby walked over to her and laid her head down on her chest!

Baby laying her "Keppy" down

When I looked at her in disbelief, I asked, "What is a keppy?" and she said, "Head! Come lay your head down."

I always knew my beagle had chutzpah.





More Musings Later-

Things you learn when you listen...

I guess people can tell that if I have one regret in this life, it is that I didn't take chances and travel more when I was younger.

When I am in a pensive mood, it weighs on my mind at times. I can happily tell you that I made up for my lack of traveling and the tried and true when I was in my mid 30's.

I drank a drink where Madonna and Sandra Bernhardt danced on a bar in New York City, I stood at the top outlook of the Luxor hotel in Vegas at midnight, I have snorkeled in the Caribbean and smoked a cigar while playing poker in Aruba. And, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

What is it that I wish I had done? I really wish that when I graduated from college that I took the plunge I was so afraid of and move to Manhattan.

I dreamed about living in the city...it was vastly different from where I grew up and seemed so exciting to me.

I began to think about my travels and the roadmap of my experiences when I sat next to a man at a bar. His nails were embedded with oil and grease and his name was enblazened on his shirt. I took him for a laborer or an auto mechanic that never saw different scenery past the city limit line.

I was wrong. He had traveled and lived in Alaska, California, Oregon, Utah, Montana, Wyoming, Indiana, Wisconsin, Asia, Europe and Africa. He told me of the times that he worked in Alaska and saved every nickel he could while he worked. "The Wages were GREAT...not like here," he would tell me. Of course, Nashville sucked to him.

Everyone has a home, a place they feel comfortable. But he didn't. He told me he made enough money in Alaska to travel for 5 years. He lived like no other for that time, and now he works like no other. He is virtually penniless. He's slept at the mission, walked across America and slept under the stars.

His stories were fascinating, but his eyes were sad. I'm sure traveling and taking chances is fantastic. But so is getting into your own bed at night.

Cheers

More Musings Later-

"I'm Gonna Hit It Monday!"

The title to this post was the battle cry of my family every time the jeans got too tight or the reflection in the mirror got too offensive.

Of everyone in the family, Mamaw (my grandmother) used this phrase the most. Of course, there was the scarfing over the weekend that "prepared one to sacrifice" by eating diet food, starting on Monday.

There was no happy medium, it was feast or famine. Back in the day when Weight Watchers demanded you weigh everything before you eat it. They also demanded that you eat a steady diet of tuna fish or canned salmon.

Is it any wonder we would venture off the diet after a short time? I think alot of people relate to this scenario as I remember Oprah lamenting on her tv show one day, "Lord, how many "I'm gonna start it Monday" diets have you been on?"

Too many. But, I'm here to tell you, I'm gonna hit it Monday! Am I going to eat tuna and salmon until I puke? No.

What am I going to do? Practice a little common sense for once.

No fried food, no cream sauces, no sweets and no fad foods.

Monday is coming fast, so I toast my Mamaw and every other woman who has "Hit it Monday" with a big 8 oz glass of water!

Cheers-

More Musings Later-

Alfred Hitchcock is Alive & Well on your local news...

Is it me? or has the News begun using more and more techniques of camera work by Hitchcock?

I was watching my local news station one afternoon, and I noticed that the camera angles were downright bizarre! Let's face it, I'm sure the reporters get bored with their newscasts but at the same time, to me, it just looks stupid and unprofessional.

Local news story - great angle, huh?

What do I mean? Take these photos for examples. All of them are actual news footage.

Do we really need to see these quirky, strange shots? I know that everyday is not a "news day" but how about focusing on good, tight writing to lure the viewer and listener into your story?

That's just me...

More Musings Later-

A Few Words about Rachael Ray...

I posted about Rachael Ray some time ago and I feel that I must do so again. Why? I watched her show recently and I was overcome with sticky, false sweetness of a perky, cheerleader type.


For those of you that adore this sweet little chef with her husky, often hoarse voice and her cutesy expressions (Oh My Gravy, Yummo, Sammies and so on). You have my permission to not read this blog today. Those who adore sarcastic humor: Read on.

First of all, I have come across a hilarious blog called "Rachael Ray Sucks Community". The posts are priceless! One night I sat on my couch and laughed until I cried at some of the observations of this community.


Where else can you get a multitude of reasons to dislike RR? The categories are endless. My favorite though, is the RR Drinking Game:


The Rachael Ray Drinking Game (Here are the instructions)

Rachael Ray has such an abrasive personality, any of her many shows on the Food Network can make a great drinking game. Here are some rules to use when you're up for getting sloshed in 30 Minutes or less.
Note: 1 "sip" generally means a reasonable-sized sip of whatever beverage you have in hand, taking into account its alcohol content.
Sayings:
1 sip
"EVOO"
1 sip
"Guys"
1 sip
"Sammie"
1 sip
"Healthful"
1 sip
"Goin' on" new!
1 sip
"Hang out" new!
2 sips
"Stoup"
2 sips
"GB"
2 sips
"Spoonula"
3 sips
"Fry-o-lator"
+1 sip

any of the above followed by an explanation of what it stands for, thus making the abbreviation useless
+1 sip
any of the above nouns used as a verb (e.g. "I'm just gonna GB this")
1 sip
"Yummo"
2 sips
any exotic variant of Yummo, like "Yummilicious" or "Yummerific"
1 sip
"Delish!"
1 sip
"Awesome"
1 sip
"Beautiful!"
2 sip
"Chop and drop" new!
2 sips
"Shimmy shake"
2 sips
"Worcester-sheer-shire sauce" new!
1 sip
"I gotta take a quick break" new!
1 sip
"It smells good in here already!" new!
1 sip
"How _____ is that?"
1 sip
"I'm all about _____"
1 sips
"Just run your knife through it" new!
1 sips
"Room to groove" new!
1 sips
"You can seriously entertain with this!"
2 sips
... if she's talking about hamburgers.
2 sips
"Some of that action"
2 sips
"Back in the day"
2 sips
"Daddy" (and or "My Daddy's from Louisiana")
1 sips
"Give it feet"
whole drink
creates an all-new and completely unnecessary abbreviation

Stories: new!
2 sips
The one about how she has 5 jars of poultry seasoning new!
2 sips
The one about how she eats so much garlic she "smells like a salami" new!
2 sips
The one about how she ate panzanella every day in Italy new!
2 sips
Any story about Boo new!

Presentation:
1 sip
repeats herself
2 sips
talks for so long without taking a breath that she nearly runs out of air
2 sips
makes an awkward, spastic gesture with her arm
2 sips
voice cracks
2 sips
forces a laugh at something not funny
2 sips
tells a lame anecdote about her family
2 sips
mispronounces "foreign" words such as "paprika" or "tapas"
2 sips
says something that is flat-out wrong
3 sips
is visibly flustered

Cooking:
2 sips
comes back from refrigerator carrying too many ingredients
3 sips
drops something on her way back
4 sips
drops something, laughs, and says something like "potato overboard!"
whole drink
the thing she drops is a knife!
1 sip
fails to provide a measurement and tells you to "eyeball it"
2 sips
provides an obviously wrong measurement, e.g. "about a tablespoon" while she dumps in a half-cup of something
2 sips
suggests a crappy substitution (e.g. parsley for cilantro) new!
2 sips
praises "salad in a sack" new!
2 sips
uses a "secret ingredient"
3 sips
the "secret ingredient" is nutmeg
1 sip
mentions "the thing that makes you go Hmmm"
3 sips
"the thing that makes you go Hmmm" is nutmeg
2 sips
praises the virtues of Worcestershire sauce new!
+1 sip
if she says it contains "secret ingredients", despite the fact that all ingredients are clearly listed on the label new!
2 sips
creates a "healthful" meal that clearly contains over 50g of fat
2 sips
does way more work than is humanly possible during a commercial break
3 sips
makes a "gourmet" dish out of cheap ingredients (e.g. Tiramisu with nilla wafers and whipped cream)
2 sips
expresses how good something tastes while she's still lifting the fork to her mouth
2 sips
takes such a big mouthful of something it takes several seconds before she can talk again
3 sips
ruins something and tries to play it off as no big deal
3 sips
makes a dish with a name more than 10 words long new!

Travelling:
2 sips
leaves a crappy tip
2 sips
shoves her nose in something to smell it
2 sips
claims a dessert by itself is somehow a legitimate lunch or dinner
2 sips
gets something for free (e.g., her boyfriend buys her a sundae) new!
3 sips
wears anything midriff-revealing
whole drink
gets up on stage with a band new

Refill drink as necessary

Quote of the day: ..."I used to give Emeril alot of crap about his 'antics' in the kitchen. All that BAM sh*t. But, I'm over it. He really is a nice guy, he just wanted ratings. But never fear, my dear viewers. I haven't gotten soft. There are others to pick on. C'mon, hasn't anyone seen Rachael Ray?" Anthony Bourdain

Cheers!

It Isn't Easy Being Green

It's been awhile since my last post. My apologies...I've had more work than I can handle and my partner has been ill. So, you do what you can when you can.

Believe me, I've had a ton of musings...just not enough time to write them down. So, I thought I would write down one of my musings now.

As most people know, I am a poker fiend. I count the moments until Saturday night until I go play poker with "the guys". These are a bunch of middle aged to older aged men who are a little and sometimes alot on the redneck side. They normally are very nice men and I've enjoyed playing a friendly game of Hold'em with them.

Last week, I went into the bar to play Holdem and it was different. The men weren't talkative and several of them brought buddies or co-workers with them. I'm usually one of the only women at the table. And, they all "know" about me but never say anything one way or the other.

But, I noticed that several of the guys were being "short" with me or not talking to me at all. Their lack of communication spoke volumes. So, I played until I was out of chips.

I sat at the bar and finished drinking a beer. I knew I had to leave. I wish I fit in better than I do. Whether you are gay, straight, black or white....Kermit got it right when he said, "It isn't easy being green."

More Musings Later-

What was YOUR Childhood Catch Phrases?

These are some of mine from parents and grandparents:

"Don't dispute my word!"

"You are impossible!"

"Go to your room and think about what you've done!"

"Go outside and pick me a switch!"

"Get me a rattail comb, Dippity Doo and V-05. Don't forget the Aqua Net!"

"Your ears are so dirty, you could grow mushrooms in there!"

"If you tattle on your sister, YOU will get in trouble!"

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush"

"Braid or pony tail?"

"If you can remember all these facts about David Cassidy, you can do well in school too."

"The very idea!"

"Don't count your chickens before they've hatched"

"Problems are like white meat...the more you chew on it, the bigger it gets."

"Get up there durn ya, 'fore I eat ya!"

"I see said the blind man to his deaf and dumb dog"

From Me:

"Don't tell me you're broke! You have a box full of checks!"

"I may be little, but my problem is as big as me!"

"I no lady, I Taryn!" (priceless to this day)

"Kiss me you fool!"

"Daddy, what does F**k mean?"

"But Why??????"



Try coming up with your own catch phrases. They'll make you smile.

More Musings Later-

COMING SOON...

Are you ready for a virtual book signing with one author in BEIJING, CHINA and the other in NASHVILLE, TN USA?

Alan Solomon - Beijing, China Taryn Simpson - Nashville, TN USA

Read more about the book here: THE MANGO TREE CAFE, LOI KROH ROAD

STAY TUNED