A Few Words about Rachael Ray...

I posted about Rachael Ray some time ago and I feel that I must do so again. Why? I watched her show recently and I was overcome with sticky, false sweetness of a perky, cheerleader type.


For those of you that adore this sweet little chef with her husky, often hoarse voice and her cutesy expressions (Oh My Gravy, Yummo, Sammies and so on). You have my permission to not read this blog today. Those who adore sarcastic humor: Read on.

First of all, I have come across a hilarious blog called "Rachael Ray Sucks Community". The posts are priceless! One night I sat on my couch and laughed until I cried at some of the observations of this community.


Where else can you get a multitude of reasons to dislike RR? The categories are endless. My favorite though, is the RR Drinking Game:


The Rachael Ray Drinking Game (Here are the instructions)

Rachael Ray has such an abrasive personality, any of her many shows on the Food Network can make a great drinking game. Here are some rules to use when you're up for getting sloshed in 30 Minutes or less.
Note: 1 "sip" generally means a reasonable-sized sip of whatever beverage you have in hand, taking into account its alcohol content.
Sayings:
1 sip
"EVOO"
1 sip
"Guys"
1 sip
"Sammie"
1 sip
"Healthful"
1 sip
"Goin' on" new!
1 sip
"Hang out" new!
2 sips
"Stoup"
2 sips
"GB"
2 sips
"Spoonula"
3 sips
"Fry-o-lator"
+1 sip

any of the above followed by an explanation of what it stands for, thus making the abbreviation useless
+1 sip
any of the above nouns used as a verb (e.g. "I'm just gonna GB this")
1 sip
"Yummo"
2 sips
any exotic variant of Yummo, like "Yummilicious" or "Yummerific"
1 sip
"Delish!"
1 sip
"Awesome"
1 sip
"Beautiful!"
2 sip
"Chop and drop" new!
2 sips
"Shimmy shake"
2 sips
"Worcester-sheer-shire sauce" new!
1 sip
"I gotta take a quick break" new!
1 sip
"It smells good in here already!" new!
1 sip
"How _____ is that?"
1 sip
"I'm all about _____"
1 sips
"Just run your knife through it" new!
1 sips
"Room to groove" new!
1 sips
"You can seriously entertain with this!"
2 sips
... if she's talking about hamburgers.
2 sips
"Some of that action"
2 sips
"Back in the day"
2 sips
"Daddy" (and or "My Daddy's from Louisiana")
1 sips
"Give it feet"
whole drink
creates an all-new and completely unnecessary abbreviation

Stories: new!
2 sips
The one about how she has 5 jars of poultry seasoning new!
2 sips
The one about how she eats so much garlic she "smells like a salami" new!
2 sips
The one about how she ate panzanella every day in Italy new!
2 sips
Any story about Boo new!

Presentation:
1 sip
repeats herself
2 sips
talks for so long without taking a breath that she nearly runs out of air
2 sips
makes an awkward, spastic gesture with her arm
2 sips
voice cracks
2 sips
forces a laugh at something not funny
2 sips
tells a lame anecdote about her family
2 sips
mispronounces "foreign" words such as "paprika" or "tapas"
2 sips
says something that is flat-out wrong
3 sips
is visibly flustered

Cooking:
2 sips
comes back from refrigerator carrying too many ingredients
3 sips
drops something on her way back
4 sips
drops something, laughs, and says something like "potato overboard!"
whole drink
the thing she drops is a knife!
1 sip
fails to provide a measurement and tells you to "eyeball it"
2 sips
provides an obviously wrong measurement, e.g. "about a tablespoon" while she dumps in a half-cup of something
2 sips
suggests a crappy substitution (e.g. parsley for cilantro) new!
2 sips
praises "salad in a sack" new!
2 sips
uses a "secret ingredient"
3 sips
the "secret ingredient" is nutmeg
1 sip
mentions "the thing that makes you go Hmmm"
3 sips
"the thing that makes you go Hmmm" is nutmeg
2 sips
praises the virtues of Worcestershire sauce new!
+1 sip
if she says it contains "secret ingredients", despite the fact that all ingredients are clearly listed on the label new!
2 sips
creates a "healthful" meal that clearly contains over 50g of fat
2 sips
does way more work than is humanly possible during a commercial break
3 sips
makes a "gourmet" dish out of cheap ingredients (e.g. Tiramisu with nilla wafers and whipped cream)
2 sips
expresses how good something tastes while she's still lifting the fork to her mouth
2 sips
takes such a big mouthful of something it takes several seconds before she can talk again
3 sips
ruins something and tries to play it off as no big deal
3 sips
makes a dish with a name more than 10 words long new!

Travelling:
2 sips
leaves a crappy tip
2 sips
shoves her nose in something to smell it
2 sips
claims a dessert by itself is somehow a legitimate lunch or dinner
2 sips
gets something for free (e.g., her boyfriend buys her a sundae) new!
3 sips
wears anything midriff-revealing
whole drink
gets up on stage with a band new

Refill drink as necessary

Quote of the day: ..."I used to give Emeril alot of crap about his 'antics' in the kitchen. All that BAM sh*t. But, I'm over it. He really is a nice guy, he just wanted ratings. But never fear, my dear viewers. I haven't gotten soft. There are others to pick on. C'mon, hasn't anyone seen Rachael Ray?" Anthony Bourdain

Cheers!