Not too long ago, I was in the hospital. Now, before I entered this hospitial, I felt comfortable going to it, it seemed nice and clean, full of competant medical professionals. Boy, was I wrong.
Top 10 Things you can expect while in the Hospital
10. You're not going to get any sleep.
Nurses are in and out and out and in all freaking night. Do they bring towels? Water? something you can use? No, No, and No. That takes forethought.
9. You're going to drive the nurse's station crazy because you'll hit the wrong button on your remote and call them when you really want to watch channel 2.
The deep exaspperated sigh over the intercom evokes a vision of the nurse rolling her eyes at you.
6. You will encounter "Hospitalists". They are doctors but they have a crappy schedule and work "for" your regular doctor. You also won't be able to remember their names and what one says versus the other. What's even worse, you feel so bad, you don't care. You just want them to shut up.
5. There will be a sign above your bed that will say, "Do NOT take BP in left arm." They do it anyway.
(see the sign above the bed to the right?)
4. When they come to make up your bed with fresh linens, they bring you wash cloths and towels. The problem is once you use them, they never take them back.
3. When you carry on conversation with a "nurses tech" (they take temp, bp and put a bandaid on your boo-boo).
The conversation goes like this: "So, what kind of experience do you have to have to become a nurses tech?" Nurse's response? "Nothin, I'm right off the street".
2. My toilet paper doesn't runneth over -
You need a roll of toilet paper. You ask....and ask....and ask....the nurse looks bored and wonders if it's going to flurry outside. She walks out of the room and you ask...and ask...and ask some more.
1. You're ready to get out of the hospital because they are still scratching their heads over what you have and you know the bill is going to be expensive.
You punch the nurses station button and tell the nurse, "Where is the doctor? Nurse: "Maam, he is in another part of the building seeing a patient and then he is going home."
Your reply: "Don't make me get all Shirley MacLaine on you," there is a long silence. Next thing you know, the hospitalist is standing in front of you reading your tests which equates to: "I dunno".