Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month

Recently, I've vented about some of the difficulties I've had health-wise. And, as soon as I typed them in my blog, I felt badly about it. Namely, because I don't like to complain. My circumstances are not that bad, especially when you consider others who have it so much worse.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you will remember that my Mom has MS. She's always been a fighter and provided my sister and I with unspoken advice of never to complain. She taught us to think of others who struggle. One moment I remember so clearly as I was growing up, is when she taught me about being a human being of value. She told me, "Empathy is so much more useful than Sympathy." It seeped through my stubborn Aries subconscience and stayed with me all these years.

So, I try not to complain. Especially since my older sister, Tanya was diagnosed with colorectal cancer last year. She turned the big 5-0 this past November and her doctor added the good ole colonoscopy exam to her annual physical. It's a good thing they did because she was at stage 4. When I found out, I felt as if the wind was completely knocked out of my soul. She has always been the healthy one.

This past year, I have seen her go through uncharacteristic bad health. And, I have seen her handle her illness with such incredible faith, grace and humility as well as humor. I sit in amazement at times. She has been in such pain and never complained. No, she instead has chronicled her journey via her blog: Every Problem Has a Gift for You in its Hands. It is truly a fascinating journey as she digs deep in herself and explains what she goes through and her feelings about it.

Oh, and by the way: She is going through her last round of chemo and radiation and had surgery to remove the cancerous tumor (but not before she had a tumor naming contest on her blog beforehand) and to insert the colostomy bag. She is cancer free! So, do yourself a favor: Read her blog. Be good to yourself and get a colonoscopy if it's time to have one or if colon cancer runs in your family. The colon test is NOT painful....honest. Believe me, I wouldn't lie to you.

Hey, it's a fast way to lose 5 lbs, right?

More Musings Later-

The Magic of a Memoir

There isn't any doubt in my mind that everyone has thought about writing or having their memoirs written. If for no other reason, but to announce to the world, "Hey, I was here. And, it mattered to someone."

A memoir to me is sort of like a written document that recants your life and puts the period at the end of the sentence of life. One of the very first memoirs I wrote for a client was meant for something more than this. Much more than this.

I remember a young fellow named Jason Walker of Thomasville, GA emailed me about writing his memoirs. When we first began chatting online, I silently wondered why he wanted to write a memoir when he was only 20 something? As he began to tell his story, I found out that he is one of the oldest if not oldest living survivor of Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy. He is a quadreplegic and relies on machines and oxygen tanks to keep him alive.

As I coached him on what he needed to do, he studiously began gathering materials and began to recount stories from his past to me. I wrote at night so I could write for paying gigs during the day. Before we knew it, the book was done. I got to know his mom, his sister and brother-in-law and his niece, Ray his caregiver and his journalist friend in Florida all through his stories. I was also schooled on the perfection of Florida State football.

When I finally got the book published, I asked why he wanted the book written so badly. He stated that he wanted to give other people hope that were going through difficult times. If after reading this book, you're not inspired and humbled, then I don't know what will do it for you. He had mentioned that after he's gone, his dream is for the book to continue selling so that his Mom and Dad can receive the royalties to help out with the mounting medical bills he's accrued through the years.

Well, he befriended me and my partner, Mindy Schwartz. She began working with him on marketing the book and he was thrilled. So, our aim is to make sure that Jason's book continues to sell. 100% of the royalties will go to Jason's parents for financial assistance.

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that Jason Walker, co-author of "Missing My Body" passed away March 16, 2009 at 9:30pm.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I choose to remember Jason through his own words which will live on:

Make no mistake about it, my life is consumed with worry and contemplation, but it is also consumed with love and joy for this life.

Most people that suffer from a debilitating disease are “stuck” at the first phase of their limitations. If that were the case with me, then this would be the final chapter to this book. So, it is with a very conscience effort that this detail about my life occurs at the beginning of my book. There will be recounting of physical limitations and surgeries and so on throughout the book, but I feel it is imperative that you understand that these events are intertwined with loving, caring family and friends and my beloved animals.

There is a quote that likens my situation to that of a horse race: “Each handicap is like a hurdle in steeplechase, and when you ride up to it, if you throw your heart over, the horse will go along too.”[1]

That is how I choose to live my life, as fluid and graceful, as my body is stiff and confined.

Jason Walker

http://www.emailthis.clickability.com/et/emailThis?clickMap=viewThis&etMailToID=1855070906

[1] Laura Moncur’s Motivational Quotations – by Lawrence BixbyMore Musings Later-

Another Round of "Remember When?"

Today a friend of mine and I were talking and our conversation meandered to when we were kids. When I think about it, our childhood seems so far removed from today's youth...much in the same way that the middle-aged seemed far removed from my youth.

If you're a 20 or 30-something, you won't get what I'm about to detail for you. Being born in the early 60's was a unique time. We had a youthful president in office, much like today; we had serious political issues happening behind the scenes as well as in front of our eyes just as it is happening today. Yet, we were so innocent. I'm sure another writer will ponder similar thoughts 20 years from now and his or her musings will seem just as dated and melancholy as mine.

Remember When?

You "went outside to play" after school?

You would swing in a tire swing?

You walked to school ? (not uphill or in snow, but you get the idea)

You felt priviledged to ride a bicycle to school?

You gave their friends a ride home on their handlebars?

You were taught to "duck and cover"?

You were taught to say "Sir and Maam" at all costs?

You would receive a spanking?

You prayed and recited the Pledge of Allegiance each day in school?

You watched the astronauts land on the moon?

You laid on the ground and watched the clouds change shapes?

You had to get a TB shot?

You thought that by the year 2000, the world would be at an end, either that or would be like The Jetsons.

Cartoons were of superior quality and not hastily slapped together as they are today?

Bugs as Leopold Stokowski (cartoons were just smarter back then).

More Musings Later-

Observations

My first observation: Today, March 12th is Liza Minnelli's birthday.

My thoughts: Happy Birthday. Please retire.

My Observation: I went to the doctor to have him look at how my foot is healing. He did x-rays and remarked that I now have a hairline of where the break was on my foot. "There's nothing more to do for the foot. It has to heal on it's own. Just give it time. Come back in 6 weeks and I'll look at it again."

My thought: If all it needs is time to heal, then what do I need to see you for?

My observation: If you have a group of women sit at a table and serve them lunch. You will see multiple pairs of eyes casually taking sidelong glances of the other woman's plate. Each woman is thinking to themselves, "Am I eating too much? Am I eating slow/fast enough? Will the other woman think I'm a pig?"

My thoughts: Shut up and Eat.

My observation: You can tell alot about a doctor's office by the tv programs they show for people in the waiting room.

My thoughts: If a doctor's office has Jerry Springer blaring, run. Your doctor will most definitely run tests to see, "Who yo baby's daddy?"

My observation: American Idol is popular as ever. Complete with the choreographed routines with choir-like singing, Ryan Seacrest with his over dramatic "This (dramatic pause) is American Idol!" Simon with his peculiar effiminant gesturing and cattiness and Paula well, being Paula with her musical critiques, "You look beautiful," et al.

My thought: Why?

My observation: there is the time change. We fall back and spring ahead. We have more hours of sunlight when we spring ahead.

My thought: If we have more hours of sunlight, why does the day seem so short?

More Musings Later-

I would like Whine with My Cheese...

Hello all, forgive my last rant about the PDiddy, Pity Pot Blues. I normally don't go on and on like that about my health. But, I guess I needed to. So, I put it out there, and it served it's purpose. After I wrote the rant, I felt stupid complaining. I felt exactly like this baby in the pic. Why me? Why me? Waaahhhh! Well guess what? Why NOT me? Who am I to be exempt from life's little bumps in the road? So, onward and upward.


Shortly after I wrote the rant, I called Mom. If you remember, she has MS and diabetes and a host of other health issues. The conversation went something like this:


"Hello?"


"Hey!, how are you?"


"Fine, and you?"


"Fine. "


"You know you don't feel well! You lie like a rug."


"Whatever"


"What was it you said earlier?"


"Uh...hmmm I can't remember. I'll think of it. Remember when? uh...hell, I don't know."


"You said something about ... wait, it will come to me. Who am I kidding? no it won't."


"It will. What was it that you said? I'm trying to remember, hang on."


"Did you know that the police caught that guy that uh....what did he do? Something about Crystal Gayle...uh....or was it Walmart?"

"I love you, I'll think of it and call you later."

"Me too. did I say it or did you?"

"Bye Mom, I love you"

"Bye Taryn, I love you too."

She never fails to make me laugh. Thank you Mom.



More Musings Later-

I've got the P-Diddy Pity Pot Blues...

Okay, Doc Hollywood (my neuro) said that the honeymoon period of my Parkinson's would end at some point and I would start experiencing more symptoms. Blah blah blah is all I heard. I had a great attitude, I knew that I could get through it just fine, thank you very much.

Okay, I'm pissed off. Can I say that? Can I say that and still have a good attitude? Well, even if I can't, I'm pissed off! Why? Okay, I'll let you into the world of me. A middle-aged woman, with sarcastic humor with PD, scarred up legs from vasculitis and a broken left foot.

Imagine yourself sitting in your chair in the living room tippity typing on your laptop. You are working on a client's memoirs and enjoying the work. Then your beautiful aging beagle puts her head on your knee and looks at you with that "I need to go outside to do my business" look. Then, she starts whining...then yelping...and wait...let me type one more word...then she starts "yelling" by barking loudly. Okay okay! I tell her.

Baby, the aging beautiful beagle

I stand up and I can hear my bones crack. I immediately hunch over because....well, that's what I do. It's part of PD. I feel lightheaded and unsteady...I start clutching furniture on the way to the kitchen. The beagle is running in circles, tail is wagging with such force that it looks like a propeller. I'm coming! I tell her. Wait....grab on to the kitchen chair. Quick, turn it around and sit down I tell myself....wait, my knees are buckling....wait....WAIT! I sit on the edge of the chair and clutch the table trying to sit in the middle of the seat. I can't do it. I'm going down with the ship. CRAP! Ouch! CRAP! I hear a "snap" sound and my foot is engulfed in pain.

Meanwhile, the beagle comes over and looks at you and burps in your face. then she licks your nose and waits for you to get up and let her outside. Damn! I can't move for maybe 2-3 seconds...Finally, I can get up. Crap! my body hurts. You finally situate your body so that you can let the dog out and take a breather sitting on the floor holding her retractable lead.

Okay, that is one burr in my butt. Here's the next:

I'm tired. Have I said that already? I'm not just tired....I'M TIRED. Sometimes it takes all I have just to get my butt out of bed. Which brings me to the next point of contention. I take naps. Not just 1 nap a day...I've taken as many as 4 naps in one day. You're probably muttering to yourself, "No way," I'm here to tell you "Yes Way."

I'm also tired of talking and in mid-sentence my mind goes blank.

• Walking into a room and wondering what for?
• What did you say?
• When did that happen?
• Where was I?
• Huh?
• Why did you do that?
• What day is it?

Well???

More Musings Later, (If I can remember)

Discovery of Neat "Stuff"

Since I have discovered what I consider "neat stuff," I thought I would pass it on to you. You'll have to let me know if you consider it neat as well.


Has everyone discovered webcams? Not the porno type, but educational, scenic and strange? I'm not sure how I happened to stumble upon these, but I am hopelessly hooked. Let me give you an idea of what I did this past weekend (a small portion of it anyway):

I visited Key West and admired the ocean surf. It was beautiful, the weather was a balmy 72 degrees and people were waving as they passed the cam.


Then I visited the Wailing Wall in Jeruselem and even stuffed a prayer into a crevice. (Okay, you can type a prayer and someone prints it and does the deed for you.) In any event, it was a moving experience for me, really. I was actually able to see the Hassidic Jews as they prayed at the wall.


Then, I visited a place Unknown, MA United States, and watched for Ghosts via multiple webcams placed in a house built in the 1920s in Massachusetts. Watch a downstairs basement, several corridors, and a boiler room for any suspicious activity. Webcam images update every minute.


How about visiting Hong Kong? No problem...you'll see the city from a cable car all from the comfort of your home or office!


Want to watch penguins in Antartica? No problem!


One last thing...you HAVE to check out www.cutethingsfallingasleep.org and the 2nd video down (a beagle puppy). WATCH IT! You'll melt.


More Musings Later-

Healthcare in America SUCKS

Not too long ago, I was in the hospital. Now, before I entered this hospitial, I felt comfortable going to it, it seemed nice and clean, full of competant medical professionals. Boy, was I wrong.

Top 10 Things you can expect while in the Hospital

10. You're not going to get any sleep.

Nurses are in and out and out and in all freaking night. Do they bring towels? Water? something you can use? No, No, and No. That takes forethought.

9. You're going to drive the nurse's station crazy because you'll hit the wrong button on your remote and call them when you really want to watch channel 2.

The deep exaspperated sigh over the intercom evokes a vision of the nurse rolling her eyes at you.

6. You will encounter "Hospitalists". They are doctors but they have a crappy schedule and work "for" your regular doctor. You also won't be able to remember their names and what one says versus the other. What's even worse, you feel so bad, you don't care. You just want them to shut up.

5. There will be a sign above your bed that will say, "Do NOT take BP in left arm." They do it anyway.

(see the sign above the bed to the right?)

4. When they come to make up your bed with fresh linens, they bring you wash cloths and towels. The problem is once you use them, they never take them back.

3. When you carry on conversation with a "nurses tech" (they take temp, bp and put a bandaid on your boo-boo).

The conversation goes like this: "So, what kind of experience do you have to have to become a nurses tech?" Nurse's response? "Nothin, I'm right off the street".

2. My toilet paper doesn't runneth over -

You need a roll of toilet paper. You ask....and ask....and ask....the nurse looks bored and wonders if it's going to flurry outside. She walks out of the room and you ask...and ask...and ask some more.

1. You're ready to get out of the hospital because they are still scratching their heads over what you have and you know the bill is going to be expensive.

You punch the nurses station button and tell the nurse, "Where is the doctor? Nurse: "Maam, he is in another part of the building seeing a patient and then he is going home."

Your reply: "Don't make me get all Shirley MacLaine on you," there is a long silence. Next thing you know, the hospitalist is standing in front of you reading your tests which equates to: "I dunno".

Time to Clean out the Closet

Isn’t it amazing the things that you accumulate in your life? If you need a reminder, try cleaning out your closet. You know, the one you came out of at “that moment”.
I found myself doing just that a couple of weeks ago. I walked into “that closet” and took a good look. It was very good at keeping my personal things out of sight. It made everything look like it was in order and functioning just fine, thank you very much. I knelt down and opened some old boxes and started going through some of my childhood memorabilia.

I had to chuckle to myself, here is the lacey dress with petticoats that I wore when I was about 5 years old. Oh wait, the patent leather shoes….My God, here they are. Did I really wear all that? Oh, yes. Wait, here’s another box of photographs. I’m wearing my ever-present Shirley Temple hairdo, courtesy of my Mom, hair rollers and significant amounts of Dippidy-Doo and Aqua Net. I was the frilliest, most feminine little girl I had ever seen.

Then I looked at myself really closely. I think my eyes said it all. I was different. So different it was absolutely painful, and I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why or how I was different from everyone else. I looked like all the other little girls in elementary school. I looked at another picture and something caught my eye. I was standing in front of my elementary school smiling for the camera, and someone had spray painted on the brick walls, “Taryn is a Queer”. As I saw this phrase scrawled behind my right shoulder, I realized that it had been following me all my life. There it was, always right over my shoulder.

It wasn’t for quite a few years that I turned to a counselor to help me clean out my closet. Together we talked, I cried, felt relief, anger, denial, guilt, and a plethora of other emotions. I had to experience them all to get where I am now. I put the lid back on the boxes and neatly arranged them in my closet. I turned out the light and quietly closed the door and thought to myself, I’m glad I had the courage to clean out my closet.

Need help with cleaning out your closet? Don’t hesitate to contact a counselor, trusted friend or parent. You’ll be glad you did.

More Musings Later-

Whitney Houston, Kathie Lee and Hoda and More...

I don't know about all of you, but I have been getting my jollies from Saturday Night Live lately. Why? you ask?? They really have talented people on right now although I hated to see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler leave the show. They were the yin and yang of each other.

Which leads me to my first comments on the Grammies from last night. Did anyone see Whitney Houston? Whoa. She looked fabulous but she was still high on something...I thought she might break out in her "Weed is whack" chant with Diane Sawyer any moment. Instead, she introduces Clive Davis and gives her acknowledgement and love to him. ?

Can I get a "Chaka Khan"?

Then, I remembered when Saturday Night Live began having this woman imitate her. She was hysterical, but I had to remember she is a very talented singer that has lost the battle with drugs. At least back then. Is she damaged goods now? Is she always going to talk like that? You think her Aunt Dionne's Psychic Friends would have warned her. All I can say is, Praise Jesus that Cissy Houston has custody of her daughter. Otherwise, she's going to think it's normal living the way she did before.

Moving on to Kathie Lee and Hoda

I have to say I MUCH prefer Kathie Lee working with Hoda than seeing her on with Regis Philbin. I mean, Regis is just too MUCH! He always shouts his sentences in a crescendo with the loudest "oomph" for the exclamation point. I'm shocked he hasn't had a stroke. Then, Kathie Lee was Cody this, Cody that, Cassidy this, Frank that. She was exhausting. Watching "LIVE" left me drained and needing a nap. And, have I noticed that all woman that co-host with Regis are required to stop eating? I didn't even recognize Kelly Ripa when she first started the show.

Why Hoda is better than Reeg..

Hoda is a laid back kinda gal that doesn't care to get on anyone's bad side. She has a cute personality and is willing to take a back seat to Kathie Lee's hangover from the Reeg days. Again, SNL began spoofing them and it is HYSTERICAL. Not so much for the job they do on Hoda, but the woman who does Kathie Lee is dead on. From the goofy dances, talking of hormones, sweating, did I say hormones? and her adventures with the carbon copy of Bill Clinton's sex drive; Frank.

Yes, K & L show the spoofs each week and I cackle each time I see it. And, Kathie Lee gets strangely quiet when they are shown and Hoda sits back and smiles really big for the camera. You can tell she is LOVING it.

Corporate America (Yes, I'm going there...)

If you have read my blog at all over the years you will know at least 1 thing about me: Corporate America is not my favorite entity within our culture. That's putting it delicately.

I have to say that when President Obama (nice ring to it, eh?) was chastising CEO execs over their "shameful" actions and irresponsibility with finances and their personal salaries/compensation packages; I was shocked. I honestly was.

I sat looking stunned for a few moments and listened more...then it hit me. President Obama must have never worked for a Fortune 500 company before. I'm sure that if you go to an employee of XXX, Inc. and ask them about financial corruption and so forth, their response would be, "Yeah, and???"

The snip of video that I saw on ABC said it all: The CEO's were seated behind a desk begging for money. When a senator asked what was being done in order to help get their financial issue under control, the CEO rattled off dozens of "corporate america buzz words." The senator let him finish his gibberish and then said, "Now tell me in English." The CEO stammered and looked uncomfortable until the senator offered a suggestion: "How much do you make as a salary?" he asked.

The CEO hesitantly said, "7 million dollars in salary and 1.5 million stock options of company stock." The senator looked disgusted (I was enjoying this part of watching a CEO squirm) and asked, "Do you think you could pare down the salary and options a bit? I mean, you are laying off thousands of employees and you seem content to do that and keep a rather large compensation package." The CEO mulled it over for a few seconds and then slightly smiled at the senator. "I'm doing okay, thanks anyway."

Instead of getting a laugh to ease the situation, he got uncomfortable silence for almost a minute. Almost as if people couldn't believe that he admitted it and said it. And, he didn't mind screwing over his employees as long as he could live an extravagant lifestyle.

That CEO has been my experience in every big conglomerate corporate giant. When he made his last statement, I was furious. While I'm not one of his casualties, I felt so badly for the ones who worked for this sorry excuse of a human being. I was also furious because it reminded me of all the blood, sweat and tears I shed when I worked for corporations such as his. All the anxiety, the office politics, the invisible eggshells that lay on the floor daring us to not crack or break as we move about.

I'm still furious. So, when you appear surprised at the actions of these senior level employees of their greed, I'm jealous that I can't be surprised too.

So, the question "Is Corporate America corrupt?"

Slightly smiling I would reply, "DUH, Ya THINK?"

How Come?

How Come-

The people that are doing dental commercials all have dentures?

How Come-

Girls/Women scream for male rock stars? You don't see guys screaming for Beyonce or Christina Aguillera...?

How Come-

People want a celebrity to sign their name on a piece of paper?

How Come-

Some gay guys are attracted to guys that look like women? Wouldn't that make them straight?

How Come-

Gay girls are attracted to masculine women? Wouldn't that make them straight?

How Come-

Little kids are so cruel to other kids at recess?

How Come-

The Ku Klux Klan wear those ridiculous robes with hoods?

How Come-

Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens does that strange, vulgar dance when he comes onto the football field?

How Come-

As a kid, you feel like you know alot of answers, but the older you get, the less you know!

How Come-

Paula Abdul is a judge on American Idol? She doesn't critique anyone except to say they look beautiful or handsome. Not to mention she's not a singer.

How Come-

Paula Abdul wants to be on "Dancing with the Stars" when she is a professional dancer?

How Come-

Willie Nelson,Porter Waggoner and Bob Dylan became famous singers? Their voices are pretty crappy, although 2 of them are great songwriters.

How Come-

Garth Brooks talks about himself in 3rd person?

How Come-

Peyton Manning sounds like he needs to blow his nose all the time?

How Come-

Ann Coulter said that 9/11 widows "wanted attention" after the attacks? I think it's the other way around.

How Come-

Bill O'Reilly thinks that the country needs him to tell us what is "spin or no spin"? I think he is a goober.

How Come-

Our government doesn't implement "Domestic Partnership" for gay couples with the same rights as married couples?

How Come-

This blog seems to crash by saying, "Internet Explorer could not establish a connection." I'm obviously online?

How Come?

Well?

More Musings Later-

Falls, Referrals and Boots, Oh My!

Can I say one thing I have observed in recent months?

HEALTHCARE SUCKS

Now, I didn't bitch when I got the vasculitis (Churg/Strauss Syndrome) although I wanted to! I won't post the pics of my breakout they are so disgusting...but, I am 46 and have been fairly healthy for the most part...no major surgeries and so forth. So, what the hey, I decided to grin and bear it. I kept thinking of my sister putting up with the same crap only much more so and now I was feeling some of her pain.

So, I still have a nasty rash on my legs and feet and I guess I've grown used to seeing it. I'm on my last antiobiotic (Praise Jesus) and I've weaned myself off of insulin and massive doses of steroids.

Can I say steroids SUCK? I was SO depressed while taking it in the hospital and at home. I remember when I watched a football game one evening, it was the NY Giants vs somebody that I can't remember at the moment and they lost. (I was rooting for NY). What did I do? I cried like a baby. Then when my Titans lost, I sobbed. Why???? STEROIDS. Don't take them, they suck.

Okay, then I am weaning myself off all this crap, right? Then on Sunday, I had been working and was seated with my laptop on my lap. I stood up and my Parkinson's got me. My balance was horrible and I could feel myself going down. Next thing I know, I feel something crack and my ass is on the floor. My knee is swollen and my foot was throbbing in pain. Oh, it's just a twisted ankle, I think to myself. I try to get back up and stand up on that leg....no, it isn't a twisted ankle, nor a sprain. I mean this HURT.

So, once again I go to the doctor who is trying to make an appointment with a Rhumatoid Arthritus doctor for my vasculitis. "Change in plans, doc...I hurt my foot really bad." So, I go to see a orthopedist today. I roll up my pants leg to show him my foot and he looks horrified. "Oh yeah, I have vasculitis." He puts on plastic gloves and looks like he is going to pass out examining my foot. He starts examining my foot, pressing here, pressing there....nothing too painful.

He goes to look at my x-ray. He comes back and takes his thumb and presses in the center of my foot below my 2nd toe. After he regained his hearing from the shriek of pain I bellowed, he remarks, "Did you take alot of steroid for your vasculitis?" I tell him yes.

"You know that steroids weaken your bones, right? That's probably what happened with your foot. By the way, your metatarcel bone is broken."

So, here I am hobbling out of the dr's office with a big honking foot brace. "See me in 2 weeks, it should heal on it's own," he reminds me.

Part of me is pissed and the other part thinks it's funny. I wish you could have seen the sheer horror on the dr's face when looking at my legs/feet.

I guess this long post brings me to this; I was trying to look on the bright side of all of this and it felt like it just kept coming at me. I was mad about it! But, I was brought up to make the best of things. Which I tried my best.

But tonight, I thought of a section of Roseanne Barr's book when she was detailing a similar situation. Here's the gist:

"I went to the store as a little kid and bought groceries for the family with money my mother gave me. I would walk to and from the store with 2 big bags...On my way out of the store, I saw an old lady that dropped some money and didn't realize it. I put my bags down and ran to get the money to give back to the old lady. I tripped when I ran through a pothole and fell.

It was then that I learned that God hates a kiss-ass."

More Musings Later-

I've been doing some musing...(that's the name of this blog, right?)

Not that it takes much effort, but I sometimes just like to pay attention to what other people are saying. It gives alot of insight into what they are like as people, their strengths, weaknesses and so on. Read on and you'll see what I mean.

Statements from people I've observed recently

"...Why am I still talking about weight after all these years?"

"...If I could live the rest of my life as a thin person, then I would be happy..."

"...I never go out of the house wearing sweats..."

"...I've always wanted to learn how to play chess..."

"...I would feel stupid acting like that..."

"...Why is this happening to me? It's always something!"

"...I'm eaten up with guilt..."

"...I remember when..."

****************************************************

Now, I won't tell you who said what because that would infringe on someone's privacy. I WILL tell you that the first statement is someone that made that announcement on television, so my rule of anonymity doesn't apply. The woman who is seen as having all the answers in life and is a multi-millionaire (or even billionaire by now).

Yep, Oprah Winfrey. I think it took courage for her to say that phrase. Because everyone DOES think she is perfect.

I guess the point I am trying to convey is we all have moments of weakness. And, sometimes it may surprise you to realize that the one person that you thought was a pillar of strength, struggles as well. Somehow, it always helped me too. Do I always look to Oprah? no, not always. But I do think she will get a gold star in heaven for all that she has done while on this earth.

I remember a woman was in her audience one day and Oprah was having a "garage sale" of her shoes and clothes for charity. The woman found a pair of Oprah's shoes and bought them for what she could afford to donate to the Angel Foundation. Apparently, this woman had a very difficult life and struggled to make ends meet each month. But, like a little girl buying her Cinderella shoes, she bought them and took them home with her to the South Side of Chicago.

She remembered the times when Oprah recounted stories of her difficult childhood growing up in Mississippi and then in Nashville. Being abused at a young age, experimenting with drugs, teen pregnancy and so on. And, now she is one of the most influential media stars of our time.

The woman placed Oprah's shoes on the floor of her bedroom and she kicked off her own shoes and carefully stepped into Oprah's shoes. She stood completely still and closed her eyes. Before she knew it, her eyes were filled with tears.

A year later, Oprah held another charity "garage sale" for her charity. The woman who bought her shoes brought them back to the show. Oprah looked stunned when the woman asked if she could bring them back so someone else could buy them.

"What? You don't like them?" she asked incredulously.

"No, I love them. When I bought them, I thought my life was over. I was so tired of the hardships and the money problems and family problems. Just once...Just once...I wanted to stand in your shoes. You've been where I was. You know what it's like. But now, I've stood in your shoes and it gave me strength. Those shoes brought you from where I was to where you are now. Everyone should have a chance to stand in your shoes."

Some shoes are not only good for the sole, they are great for the soul.

More Musings Later -

Gearing up for 2009

Hello all,
Greetings from my easy chair with my swollen, vasculitis ravaged legs and feet perched on an ottoman for as much comfort as I can muster. That along with pain medication is helping me to get past the hitch in my get along.

As 2009 creeps up on us, I wanted to be the first to wish everyone a very Healthy, Happy, Wealthy and Wise New Year. We've had some weirdness in 2008, but I'm hoping for better things to come in '09.

Now, for your viewing pleasure, I am posting my newest Presskit trailer. I'll be posting a bit more regularly now that I am not incapacitated in the hospital.

Cheers Everyone!~

Parkinson's has a new playmate...

I have to say in the last several months or more, I haven't been feeling myself. I am not one to focus on things like that unless it knocks me for a loop. Consider my loop thoroughly knocked. Now, when my Young Onset Parkinson's disease being my only malady, my body said, "Nah, I think you can handle one more..." And so it goes. I have what is termed as "Churg Strauss Syndrome," which is a disease that falls under the general heading of "Vasculitis".

This isn't me, but close enough. I broke out in the worst case of rash, sores and other grossness all over my body a couple of weeks or more and it landed me squarely in the hospital for a week. I took every blood test known to mankind (literally) as well as had a biopsy of my rash, steroids on drip and more.

Oh, and did I mention that I was and am on so much steroid that I have to take 2 forms of insulin to keep my blood sugar from skyrocketing from all this? Needless to say, this isn't fun. I go to the dr tomorrow to see how I am doing...the rash, sores and other grossness are not quite so "pronounced" but still having trouble walking and so on. Bleh.

Oh well....I guess my Parkinson's will have a new playmate. Parkinson's, meet Vasculitis (Churg Strauss Syndrome). Where shakiness and bad balance meets neuropathy and pain.

Booyah.

More Freaking Musings Later-

The Uncanniness of Theosophy

I've always considered myself a Theosophist rather than Christian or a subset of religion such as Methodist, Baptist etc. For those who wonder what the heck a "Theosophist" is, it is one who embraces all religions and feel that each has a truth. It's always made more sense to me.

It's funny, I've been on this earth 46 years and counting and it just dawned on me for some reason. I asked Alan Solomon, my co-writer what my name would look like in Chinese and what it meant. I always wonder about that. Hey, Kevin Costner wanted to know what his name was in Native American tongue, didn't he?

Well, it made me think back to my mother telling me the story of how she knew she was going to become pregnant with me. She hadn't even been pronounced pregnant yet by her doctor! She had been praying for a child for a long time and during her prayers, she said she heard a voice that shook her to the soul. "Thou shalt have a Deborah."

At that time, (early 60's) she had never heard of a woman called Deborah in the Bible. Her and my grandmother scoured the Bible and finally found a mention of her. Actually, I found a great site that gives more info about her. Here is a snippet:

The popular prophet Deborah is one of the few female role models in the Tanakh, where she exemplifies a Hebrew woman possessed of respect, authority, leadership and decisiveness. To some of the rabbis such strong character in a woman was very threatening. Rabbi Nahman, in his dislike of "strong women" twists the true translation of her name from "bee "to "wasp" (Genesis Rabbah 18:1).

This resistance to women in an active role by male commentators is one factor that makes it difficult to uncover the true memory and significance of the first biblical Deborah. Let us proceed to examine this first, decidedly overshadowed, Deborah.

And Dvorah, the nurse of Rivka died, and she was buried below Beth-el- underneath the oak, and he called the name of it the Oak of Crying. (Genesis 35:8) Here is the webpage for more info: The First Deborah

Here is what is interesting; the Chinese version of my name and meaning is similar to the Bible's meaning of "Deborah". See below for the actual Chinese spelling and explanation from Alan Solomon:

My New Name: 辛 丽军
I had wondered about the Chinese writing that appeared next to Alan's name one day and I asked him, "Hey, what would my name look like?

What does 'Taryn' mean in Chinese?"Ask and you shall recieve as I always say. For some reason, I can't post the Chinese writing into this post, but at least it is showing in the title.

Xin is my surname and LiJun is my first name. Taryn is seen here as being a young pretty soldier, so your first name is LiJun which means beautiful army .... Xin is the nearest meaning to Simpson.

Don't even get me started about numerology, black holes, dimensions and the like.

God, there is so much we don't know...

More Musings Later-

Nocturnal Musings and Such...

Well, another Thanksgiving gone by...I thought I would blog about a few things tonight that I am thinking of for some reason or another.



On the lighter side of things: Are you as hooked on "Dancing with the Stars" as I am??? I can tell you there is one dancer on there that tells me if I were 20 years younger, I would be doing some serious swooning. His dancing shoes would replace my Peter Frampton poster for sure.

I'm speaking of Derek Hough. Not only is he a tremendous dancer, he is a musician as well. In Showbiz, this is what is called "A Triple Threat". Dancer, Actor, Singer. For those who don't know his background, he grew up in Utah until the age of 12 and then moved to London to study with his dance teacher. He became a world champion dancer and danced and sang in "Footloose" on London's West End. Derek is very accomplished and is only (gulp) 23 years old. I'm feeling very old......


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Did anyone watch "Rosie Live"?


Oh my God. I watched it while partially covering my eyes with my hands. The first part of the show featured Liza Minnelli. Now, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Liza. Ask anyone. I know everything about the woman. But it pains me to watch her try to dance and sing as she did 20 years ago. I say this with a heavy heart....RETIRE ALREADY. You have sung and danced about your last "Money Tree", "Blue Skies", "Cabaret", and "Liza with a Z".

I know every song in her catalog by heart. Now take your fedora off and peel off your eyelashes. Atta girl.


Rosie - Shame on you...the first rule in the Homo handbook is to always make the gay icons look fabulous. Even if they don't.
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George McIntyre - No, he isn't famous. I guess in his own way, he was famous to those of us who used to frequent his bar, "George's Pub".



When I first met George, I was asking directions to his place while on the road. My partner and I showed up and walked in and there was a very handsome young man with blond hair smiling at us. I smiled back and thought to myself, Wow, the owner of George's knew what he was doing when he hired this guy...he was gorgeous. Definitely a draw for a gay bar.


Imagine my surprise when this good looking guy tells me he is the owner of the Pub!



I remember one year in particular, alot of his regulars had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving. He knew what that was like as he was originally from upstate New York and drove until he "got sick of it" and landed in Nashville. He lived in his car for awhile and finally got some jobs and saved money until he bought this beat up old bar. I remember he would call his sister in Vermont and wish her happy holidays but that was the only family he really had. His being gay just didn't go over in a small town.


Anyway, George asked if we would like to have Thanksgiving at the Pub and bring a covered dish? Sure! Before we knew it, everyone heard about it, and those who weren't welcomed by their families went to George's. There was a tremendous amount of food and everyone was in a great mood. He and I share a favorite song from "The Color Purple" and he and I would quote lines from that movie like it was an addition to the Bible.


He put on the CD and began singing along to "God is Trying to Tell You Something," and if you saw the film...the same message applied on the big screen as in a little Pub in Nashville, TN. Where being yourself wasn't always so wonderful. But, that Thanksgiving, it was.


He died from cancer in 2006.



Happy Thanksgiving, George.

"...You ugly, Miss Celie, you sho' is ugly.../Dear God, I may be ugly, but I'm still here..." The Color Purple





More Musings Later-

Moments in this Life that shaped ME

Dancing as Donny & Marie with my sister in our kitchen when we were kids.

When I was a kid, I was told that I was "beyond my years" as a musician. Everyone seem to know my name.

When I went with my father to run some errands, he bumped into a coworker who smiled at me and asked, "And who is this little lady?" My father told him my name, but didn't know anything else he was asked about me. I felt embarrassed and didn't know why.

Growing up with my cousins, we were as close as brothers and sisters. Holidays were so much fun.

When my mother told me when I was 13 years old, she and my father were getting a divorce, I told her, "I guess it's time you did something for yourself."

Going on errands to the mall with my father and somehow bumping into my aunt each time. The moment "I figured it out".

March 3,4,5, 1980 - Auditioned at Juilliard in New York City. First plane ride, first time to New York. I auditioned, took a piano barrier and a theory test. Was I prepared? Hell no.

The night of March 3rd, I was in a diner across the street from Lincoln Center/Juilliard. I had auditioned that day amid thousands of others. The naive Texas kid. I suddenly hear a knock on the window and see the man I auditioned for...He gives me a thumbs up and waves as he moves back into the crowd. I couldn't say anything. How could he possibly remember me? I didn't quit smiling for a week after that.

The life I led after the divorce.

Watching my sister cajun dance with my grandfather.

As a kid, I looked into my aunt's eyes and knew she wasn't "quite right."

Denying who I was for so many years.

The day I faced it and accepted it. It nearly broke me.

The day Hank died.

The day Fred died.

The first time I admitted to myself that I was in love with my partner.

Dealing with all the "crap" that seems to come with the tag, "gay".

Climbing out of my bedroom window to get away from my step-father.

Confronting my father about the divorce.

Moving to Nashville, TN

Office politics and how I let it take too much from me. Never again.

The day I was diagnosed with Parkinson's and feeling so fragile about it.

The day my partner and I went to New York City and celebrated ourselves.

The day I swam in the West Indies ocean (Turks & Caicos).

It took all of the above and more to become...ME

TV Commercials & Shows and the Eye Roll Scale

Ok, perhaps "hate" is a bit too strong...how about really, really dislike? I'd have to say that the first commercial that comes to mind is no...wait, let me give you clues. She's a well-known actress and she only has to take a pill once a month.

Sally Field and Boniva

If I see or hear Sally Field yammer on about "only" having to take one pill once a month for her osteoarthritus, I will scream. Don't get me wrong, that's a painful and terrible disease. BUT, the fact that she is saying it is a hardship to swallow one freaking pill a day kills me. I suppose because I swallow a fist full of pills a couple of times a day.

I also can't stand it when she pretends to "exercise" which is comprised of stretching, lame lifting of weights and then sitting on the floor laughing while flipping her hair.

I like to rate the aggravation level on a scale of 1 - 5 "eye rolls".

Rating: This one is a 5 eye roller. *****

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Extreme Makeover - Ty Pennington

If I see Ty Pennington anywhere NEAR a bullhorn, I will personally force it down his throat. I don't like yelling and I especially don't like it when this guy is running all over the place shouting into an amplified sound device.

Rating: I give it a 3 eye roll. ***

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Extreme Maker - in general

This show does great work on a philanthropic level and I think that is fabulous. BUT, I am so tired of watching these designer do-gooders getting choked up every single week to the point of tears on every job they do. The blond do-gooder has been on every home and decor show on television. She is the worst about boo-hooing and if there is a little girl involved with remodeling her room, she always reiterates, "I'm gonna give her the most awesome room any little girl could want. She will feel like a princess." All the while, she is crying about it. She irks me the most I think...no wait, the guy who is a carpenter and wears glasses. He's the worst cryer. I sometimes wonder what he must be like when he's at home. I mean, can he really cope in every day life?

Rating: 4 eye-rolls ****

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The commercial for dental services puzzles me. It seems that it is a commercial for someone needing to go to the dentist for routine services such as fillings, caps, pulling a tooth, etc. But every person that is talking about it on this commercial has false teeth. I realize a dentist is needed to convert to false teeth, but jeez....aren't you done with the dentist after that?

Rating: 2 eye-rolls **

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Bart Durham TV Commercials

For those not in the Nashville area, Bart is an attorney specializing in personal injury. You get the picture. He can come up with some pretty creative ways to get attention with a commercial.

I particularly favor "The Soap Opera" which never said it was a soap opera, it just appeared on screen as a commercial in mid-story without prior notice. So, it always seemed that it was a mistake by the programming guy at the tv station. The actors were awful and if I were looking for an attorney for my injuries, this commerical wouldn't make me feel very good about choosing Bart. That's just me.

Rating: 1 eye-roll and groan. * 0 (I call'sem likes I see'sem)

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The View - Elizabeth Hasselbeck

You knew it was coming, didn't you? I like this show in general, but I have to say that Elizabeth irritates the life out of me. Particularly on the "Hot Topics" segment. Everyone knows she is a Repub...Repub...I'm sorry I can't say it. I'm too much of a Democrat. Having said that, she feels the need to screech and shout above everyone else on the show.

There is more to her than her "conservative" rhetoric. She presents herself in a smug, judgemental and viscious way that is not becoming to her. When her and Rosie were shouting at each other that fateful day, (no, I don't condone Rosie's behavior either) she seemed to revel in the furor and upheaval.

I'll be honest, I don't like her. She brings nothing to the show. Get rid of her. Oh, and while you're at it, get rid of Barbara Walters too. (Why would a much respected journalist stoop to such a level and publish her account of an affair with a married man? and other sexual conquests?). I'm with Rosie, she needs to retire.

Rating: 5 eye-rolls, 2 groans and click of the channel. ***** 00 !

(I can make up these ratings if I want...)

More Musings Later-