What is the appeal with this show???

I don't get it. Although I am guilty of watching this show from time to time, I often wonder what is the huge appeal of American Idol?

I've ragged on this program before, but I watched last night and really tried to watch it without judging it, (that means I didn't focus on Paula Abdul). Bear with me as I analyze this:

The melodramatic antics of Ryan Seacrest makes me want to pimp-slap him. Ooohhhhh the spooky lighting and Ryan all alone on stage announcing THIS is YOUR American Idol! I immediately give an eyeroll of exasperation and tell myself to endure his crap so I can see the contestants sing.



Okay, no doubt that the contestants are talented. They each can really sing and this year, they are particularly good. (Lord knows they have had some crappy seasons in the past) Anyway, part of the show's requirements is that these contestants must do a commercial for a product (complete with "Fame-esque" singing and dancing). Now the vocals are not arranged, that is, they are all singing the melody so that it sounds (and looks) like a bad high school choir production. Surely they can afford for someone to write a vocal chart now, can't they?

Then there are the solo performances. Some are really good. I mean really good. But, after the performance comes the part I can't stand. The critique of the judges.

Randy "What up Dawg" Jackson: The hip-hop slang is getting old, although he does know his stuff. I usually pay more attention to Randy's advice or critique than all of them.

The new girl: I can't remember her name, but yes; she knows her stuff as well as she is a very successful songwriter and singer herself. In fact, she wrote one of my all time favorite songs (Vision of Love) for a then unknown singer extraordinaire, Mariah Carey. BUT: she reminds me of one of those irritating overbearing cheerleaders from high school. I believe if Simon would give her a xanax before each show, she would be okay.

Paula Abdul: I can't stand her. She is a joke. The very idea that SHE is offering suggestions to the talented singers on how to phrase or sing simply GALLS me.

Simon Cowell: He is one rich dude. At least he is brutally honest about his opinions. He's not a singer, musician or anything else...he simply knows what he likes and industry people value his opinion for whatever reason. So, there you go. He doesn't tell the contestants how to sing, or how to phrase...he either likes it or he doesn't. I can live with that.

Now, if we can get rid of the audience who boos incessantly if the judges don't gush over every singer. Get real, people.


More Musings Later-

Have YOU Twittered?

Yes, hooked on another techie item. Why? you ask?

It seems that the entire world is mesmerized with conversing with each other in 140 characters or less. And, what makes it even more interesting, is that there are ALOT of celebrities online "tweeting". Let's face it, it's an excellent marketing tool to plug a book, tv show, live show, etc. And, you get an immediate reading on your target audience. It's downright genius.

I caught a few minutes of Larry King Live where Ashton Kutcher was explaining what "Twitter" was to King. I was impressed with his explanation which was lavished with technological speak...I'm sure he's not a computer person as he is young and has been an actor/personality for some time now. But everyone is doing it!!!

I tell you, there is nothing better than being able to say good morning to Oprah, Gayle King, George Stephanopolous, Anderson Cooper, Suze Orman and they actually read your tweets and respond back!

If you'll notice, I put a button on the side of my blogs saying to follow me: Please do so! I would be curious to see how many people that read this blog tune into Twitter. Check out who I'm following...everyone from Suze Orman and Oprah to Eddie Izzard to Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Heck, I even twittered Lisa Williams (the medium) during her intermission at a show. AND, she responded! I'm weird that way....I love this crap!

More Musings Later-

The New York Housewives vs. Office Politics

I'm hooked. I watched a marathon of "The New York Housewives" on Bravo a couple of Sundays ago and thought to myself...WOW, this is the ultimate in office politics. Can I get an Amen?

We've all worked with these personalities before, haven't we? Sure, you know...the Countess, the elitest that holds her nose in the air and then there are the others that gossip and spread rumors (true or untrue is beside the point) about their "friends". Jeez, it's enough to turn your stomach, but, like watching a train wreck, people can't stop watching. Me included.

The New York Housewives Bitchfest

With all the bitchiness and cat fights going on, my mind drifted to when I worked in an office and experienced the same fights, the mwah, mwah kisses on either side of the face while your co worker is pulling the dagger from your back. I hated it. No, I despised it. The co-worker that behaved in this manner toward me hurt me so badly that when this person left the company, it caused me to be rude and mistrusting of the next 2 co-workers taking their place.

I'll be the first to tell you that I don't take hints very well. No amount of hinting, name dropping or other vague forms of communication will work with me. You have to shoot straight from the hip as they say. Well, this lack of "picking up on things" was a real Achillies heel for me. I thought I had a good friend, and she knew I didn't. So, after the damage was done, the rumors were spread and my working environment was hell for years after, I decided to put Facebook to good use.

I looked up this person and sent a message.

"Dear Co-Worker" (I used the person's real name)

I happen to come across your profile in Facebook and it caused me to pause. I have always wanted to know why you spread rumors, caused irrepairable damage to key working relationships etc. I had thought you were my friend, but I soon found out that wasn't the case.

I don't expect to hear from you, I just wanted to ask. Because I don't "hint", "hide", or "stab friends in the back" while pretending to like them. I am a fairly blunt person. So, I would like to know why. Straight from the horse's mouth, if you will.

Oh wait...let me rephrase my question to suit your communication style; I miss working with you so much! Let's do lunch next week, okay?

Translation: So, what's the answer?

BFF, > Translation: You suck.

Taryn

p.s. This person hasn't responded. Perhaps when the Ice Age comes to fruition.

More Musings Later-

And so another year comes to a close...

Chapter 46 is coming to a close
As I close the chapter on 46 and turn the fresh new page of Chapter 47, I am amazed yet again at all the experiences, emotions and situations that life has handed me over the last 365 days. .

I've been surprised, shocked, amused, saddened, angry and silent.


I've encountered experiences that I never expected and some that I did.

I've been pleasantly surprised and bitterly disappointed.


I've thanked God for my blessings, and I've taken for granted still so much more.


I've lost people that I've never met, and think about them tonight.


It was a wonderful, difficult, gut-wrenching, sorrowful, happy, joyous, funny, frustrating year.




and, like all things, one year comes, and another is born.


Chapter 47 promises to be just as wonderful, difficult, gut wrenching, sorrowful, happy, joyous, funny, and frustrating as Chapter 46, but in a totally different, new way.


I am busily writing my next novel, "The Long Road to Extredition" and find the words come easier when I am nocturnal. With the writing of so many books for others, it will be a joy to see my name once again on the cover. Where instead of striving for Grisham, I am now struggling along to strive for Hemingway.


Alan Solomon, my friend and older brother that I've never met, is traveling to New Zealand in June to devote time to our next co-writing venture entitled, "He Played the Game". He hopes to find that the words flow more freely in the beautiful countryside of his home rather than Beijing where he currently lives.


So, we go where we are best, observe what we can and learn the rest. It's a new year, a new beginning and a new moment.

And, my eyes are wide open to the wonder of it all.

More Musings Later-

One of the True Mysteries of the World...

Okay, maybe I'm being a tad sarcastic, but to me, it really is something to behold.

I will begin by stating my horrible, ugly secret: I'm a sweets fanatic. I LOVE chocolate, candy, cakes, muffins, and anything else that has a sweetness to it. I have always been this way, and I find that I am one of those people that is better off going cold turkey off of the sugar then trying to control my overwhelming cravings for it.

Having explained the above to you...it is beyond my comprehension how someone can eat 1, perhaps 2 bites of a candy bar or muffin and be content enough to set it aside without eating it until it's gone. Perhaps I'm revealing too much about my food weaknesses as I sit thinking about my struggles with my weight throughout my life.

It's like a bad acid trip as I recall those hideous 1970s food scales that were used by Weight Watchers so many years ago. As if we would overserve ourselves on the required canned salmon or tuna fish for the day. Everything was weighed, portioned and meticuously alotted. That's why it blows my mind to see someone do the same thing with a Hostess Cupcake.

I'm giving fair warning: April 8 - I go cold turkey again. It's hell to have a sugar laden monkey on your back.

More Musings Later-

Guiding Light Coming to an End after 72 Years

I don't know folks...when I heard the news today I thought it was a reporter's idea of a bad April Fools joke.

I have watched this soap opera ever since I was a kid. I STILL watch it and have even met a couple by overhearing conversations about GL characters at a local restaurant! Heck, we even stay in touch. I'm sure they are in mourning over the news.

I've seen them come, and I've seem them go...but as my Ode to Guiding Light, here are a few of my favorite and not so favorite plotlines and characters:

Reva Shayne: GL's aging "good ole gal" that has married every Lewis brother as well as the father on the show.

"Forever Bud and Reva" (GAG)

My Favorite Not so Favorite Line of Reva's : "Forever Bud" This is the guy that she is supposedly soul mates with, but she marries everyone else in town. I nearly tossed my cookies when I first heard her call her soul mate "Bud" when his real name is Josh. go figure.

Ross Marler, Rick Bauer, Ed Bauer

Alan Spaulding: GL's evil CEO executive that grooms all his children and slaps his last name on their birth certificate and then they are the protege of his business empire. It's almost like watching Children of the Corn trying to be corporate ladder climbers in the business world.

My Favorite Line of Alan's (while speaking to Reva): "You amuse me with your Daisy Duke, beer drinking, hillbilly ways".

Phillip/Beth: Phillip Spaulding, Alan's son who is really Justin Marler's son is soul mates with the virginal Beth. They go through all types of trials and tribulations, even Beth becoming blind and her doing a really bad Helen Keller-ish impersonation of a sightless person.

LuJack/Beth: Another Spaulding that doesn't find out until much later as he is Alexandra Spaulding's son and he somehow didn't grow up with his family and became a gang leader. He meets Beth, falls in love and begins a music career. He leaves his old girlfriend behind, Darcy and she continues the gang.

Favorite Not so favorite line of Phillip's to LuJack about Darcy: "What do you feed it to keep it so ugly?"

Sheesh...so many characters and only one blog. There were the Reardons: Jim, Tony, Annabelle, Nola and her husband Quentin. The psychic island adventures Jim and Annabelle had...then there was Claire and Fletcher who were coupled together in the same vein as Lucy and Ricky. Then there is Josh Lewis, Billy Lewis, H.B. Lewis, Hawk Shayne, Shayne Lewis, Vanessa, Matt, Buzz, Lizzie Spaulding, Henry Chamberlain, Roger Thorpe the ultimate villain, Ross Marler, and so so so many more.

The Ultimate Villain - Roger Thorpe

May your disfunctional, "family obsessed" community forever live on in our hearts of Springfield.

More Musings Later-

Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month

Recently, I've vented about some of the difficulties I've had health-wise. And, as soon as I typed them in my blog, I felt badly about it. Namely, because I don't like to complain. My circumstances are not that bad, especially when you consider others who have it so much worse.

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you will remember that my Mom has MS. She's always been a fighter and provided my sister and I with unspoken advice of never to complain. She taught us to think of others who struggle. One moment I remember so clearly as I was growing up, is when she taught me about being a human being of value. She told me, "Empathy is so much more useful than Sympathy." It seeped through my stubborn Aries subconscience and stayed with me all these years.

So, I try not to complain. Especially since my older sister, Tanya was diagnosed with colorectal cancer last year. She turned the big 5-0 this past November and her doctor added the good ole colonoscopy exam to her annual physical. It's a good thing they did because she was at stage 4. When I found out, I felt as if the wind was completely knocked out of my soul. She has always been the healthy one.

This past year, I have seen her go through uncharacteristic bad health. And, I have seen her handle her illness with such incredible faith, grace and humility as well as humor. I sit in amazement at times. She has been in such pain and never complained. No, she instead has chronicled her journey via her blog: Every Problem Has a Gift for You in its Hands. It is truly a fascinating journey as she digs deep in herself and explains what she goes through and her feelings about it.

Oh, and by the way: She is going through her last round of chemo and radiation and had surgery to remove the cancerous tumor (but not before she had a tumor naming contest on her blog beforehand) and to insert the colostomy bag. She is cancer free! So, do yourself a favor: Read her blog. Be good to yourself and get a colonoscopy if it's time to have one or if colon cancer runs in your family. The colon test is NOT painful....honest. Believe me, I wouldn't lie to you.

Hey, it's a fast way to lose 5 lbs, right?

More Musings Later-

The Magic of a Memoir

There isn't any doubt in my mind that everyone has thought about writing or having their memoirs written. If for no other reason, but to announce to the world, "Hey, I was here. And, it mattered to someone."

A memoir to me is sort of like a written document that recants your life and puts the period at the end of the sentence of life. One of the very first memoirs I wrote for a client was meant for something more than this. Much more than this.

I remember a young fellow named Jason Walker of Thomasville, GA emailed me about writing his memoirs. When we first began chatting online, I silently wondered why he wanted to write a memoir when he was only 20 something? As he began to tell his story, I found out that he is one of the oldest if not oldest living survivor of Duchennes Muscular Dystrophy. He is a quadreplegic and relies on machines and oxygen tanks to keep him alive.

As I coached him on what he needed to do, he studiously began gathering materials and began to recount stories from his past to me. I wrote at night so I could write for paying gigs during the day. Before we knew it, the book was done. I got to know his mom, his sister and brother-in-law and his niece, Ray his caregiver and his journalist friend in Florida all through his stories. I was also schooled on the perfection of Florida State football.

When I finally got the book published, I asked why he wanted the book written so badly. He stated that he wanted to give other people hope that were going through difficult times. If after reading this book, you're not inspired and humbled, then I don't know what will do it for you. He had mentioned that after he's gone, his dream is for the book to continue selling so that his Mom and Dad can receive the royalties to help out with the mounting medical bills he's accrued through the years.

Well, he befriended me and my partner, Mindy Schwartz. She began working with him on marketing the book and he was thrilled. So, our aim is to make sure that Jason's book continues to sell. 100% of the royalties will go to Jason's parents for financial assistance.

It is with a heavy heart that I announce that Jason Walker, co-author of "Missing My Body" passed away March 16, 2009 at 9:30pm.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I choose to remember Jason through his own words which will live on:

Make no mistake about it, my life is consumed with worry and contemplation, but it is also consumed with love and joy for this life.

Most people that suffer from a debilitating disease are “stuck” at the first phase of their limitations. If that were the case with me, then this would be the final chapter to this book. So, it is with a very conscience effort that this detail about my life occurs at the beginning of my book. There will be recounting of physical limitations and surgeries and so on throughout the book, but I feel it is imperative that you understand that these events are intertwined with loving, caring family and friends and my beloved animals.

There is a quote that likens my situation to that of a horse race: “Each handicap is like a hurdle in steeplechase, and when you ride up to it, if you throw your heart over, the horse will go along too.”[1]

That is how I choose to live my life, as fluid and graceful, as my body is stiff and confined.

Jason Walker

http://www.emailthis.clickability.com/et/emailThis?clickMap=viewThis&etMailToID=1855070906

[1] Laura Moncur’s Motivational Quotations – by Lawrence BixbyMore Musings Later-

Another Round of "Remember When?"

Today a friend of mine and I were talking and our conversation meandered to when we were kids. When I think about it, our childhood seems so far removed from today's youth...much in the same way that the middle-aged seemed far removed from my youth.

If you're a 20 or 30-something, you won't get what I'm about to detail for you. Being born in the early 60's was a unique time. We had a youthful president in office, much like today; we had serious political issues happening behind the scenes as well as in front of our eyes just as it is happening today. Yet, we were so innocent. I'm sure another writer will ponder similar thoughts 20 years from now and his or her musings will seem just as dated and melancholy as mine.

Remember When?

You "went outside to play" after school?

You would swing in a tire swing?

You walked to school ? (not uphill or in snow, but you get the idea)

You felt priviledged to ride a bicycle to school?

You gave their friends a ride home on their handlebars?

You were taught to "duck and cover"?

You were taught to say "Sir and Maam" at all costs?

You would receive a spanking?

You prayed and recited the Pledge of Allegiance each day in school?

You watched the astronauts land on the moon?

You laid on the ground and watched the clouds change shapes?

You had to get a TB shot?

You thought that by the year 2000, the world would be at an end, either that or would be like The Jetsons.

Cartoons were of superior quality and not hastily slapped together as they are today?

Bugs as Leopold Stokowski (cartoons were just smarter back then).

More Musings Later-

Observations

My first observation: Today, March 12th is Liza Minnelli's birthday.

My thoughts: Happy Birthday. Please retire.

My Observation: I went to the doctor to have him look at how my foot is healing. He did x-rays and remarked that I now have a hairline of where the break was on my foot. "There's nothing more to do for the foot. It has to heal on it's own. Just give it time. Come back in 6 weeks and I'll look at it again."

My thought: If all it needs is time to heal, then what do I need to see you for?

My observation: If you have a group of women sit at a table and serve them lunch. You will see multiple pairs of eyes casually taking sidelong glances of the other woman's plate. Each woman is thinking to themselves, "Am I eating too much? Am I eating slow/fast enough? Will the other woman think I'm a pig?"

My thoughts: Shut up and Eat.

My observation: You can tell alot about a doctor's office by the tv programs they show for people in the waiting room.

My thoughts: If a doctor's office has Jerry Springer blaring, run. Your doctor will most definitely run tests to see, "Who yo baby's daddy?"

My observation: American Idol is popular as ever. Complete with the choreographed routines with choir-like singing, Ryan Seacrest with his over dramatic "This (dramatic pause) is American Idol!" Simon with his peculiar effiminant gesturing and cattiness and Paula well, being Paula with her musical critiques, "You look beautiful," et al.

My thought: Why?

My observation: there is the time change. We fall back and spring ahead. We have more hours of sunlight when we spring ahead.

My thought: If we have more hours of sunlight, why does the day seem so short?

More Musings Later-

I would like Whine with My Cheese...

Hello all, forgive my last rant about the PDiddy, Pity Pot Blues. I normally don't go on and on like that about my health. But, I guess I needed to. So, I put it out there, and it served it's purpose. After I wrote the rant, I felt stupid complaining. I felt exactly like this baby in the pic. Why me? Why me? Waaahhhh! Well guess what? Why NOT me? Who am I to be exempt from life's little bumps in the road? So, onward and upward.


Shortly after I wrote the rant, I called Mom. If you remember, she has MS and diabetes and a host of other health issues. The conversation went something like this:


"Hello?"


"Hey!, how are you?"


"Fine, and you?"


"Fine. "


"You know you don't feel well! You lie like a rug."


"Whatever"


"What was it you said earlier?"


"Uh...hmmm I can't remember. I'll think of it. Remember when? uh...hell, I don't know."


"You said something about ... wait, it will come to me. Who am I kidding? no it won't."


"It will. What was it that you said? I'm trying to remember, hang on."


"Did you know that the police caught that guy that uh....what did he do? Something about Crystal Gayle...uh....or was it Walmart?"

"I love you, I'll think of it and call you later."

"Me too. did I say it or did you?"

"Bye Mom, I love you"

"Bye Taryn, I love you too."

She never fails to make me laugh. Thank you Mom.



More Musings Later-

I've got the P-Diddy Pity Pot Blues...

Okay, Doc Hollywood (my neuro) said that the honeymoon period of my Parkinson's would end at some point and I would start experiencing more symptoms. Blah blah blah is all I heard. I had a great attitude, I knew that I could get through it just fine, thank you very much.

Okay, I'm pissed off. Can I say that? Can I say that and still have a good attitude? Well, even if I can't, I'm pissed off! Why? Okay, I'll let you into the world of me. A middle-aged woman, with sarcastic humor with PD, scarred up legs from vasculitis and a broken left foot.

Imagine yourself sitting in your chair in the living room tippity typing on your laptop. You are working on a client's memoirs and enjoying the work. Then your beautiful aging beagle puts her head on your knee and looks at you with that "I need to go outside to do my business" look. Then, she starts whining...then yelping...and wait...let me type one more word...then she starts "yelling" by barking loudly. Okay okay! I tell her.

Baby, the aging beautiful beagle

I stand up and I can hear my bones crack. I immediately hunch over because....well, that's what I do. It's part of PD. I feel lightheaded and unsteady...I start clutching furniture on the way to the kitchen. The beagle is running in circles, tail is wagging with such force that it looks like a propeller. I'm coming! I tell her. Wait....grab on to the kitchen chair. Quick, turn it around and sit down I tell myself....wait, my knees are buckling....wait....WAIT! I sit on the edge of the chair and clutch the table trying to sit in the middle of the seat. I can't do it. I'm going down with the ship. CRAP! Ouch! CRAP! I hear a "snap" sound and my foot is engulfed in pain.

Meanwhile, the beagle comes over and looks at you and burps in your face. then she licks your nose and waits for you to get up and let her outside. Damn! I can't move for maybe 2-3 seconds...Finally, I can get up. Crap! my body hurts. You finally situate your body so that you can let the dog out and take a breather sitting on the floor holding her retractable lead.

Okay, that is one burr in my butt. Here's the next:

I'm tired. Have I said that already? I'm not just tired....I'M TIRED. Sometimes it takes all I have just to get my butt out of bed. Which brings me to the next point of contention. I take naps. Not just 1 nap a day...I've taken as many as 4 naps in one day. You're probably muttering to yourself, "No way," I'm here to tell you "Yes Way."

I'm also tired of talking and in mid-sentence my mind goes blank.

• Walking into a room and wondering what for?
• What did you say?
• When did that happen?
• Where was I?
• Huh?
• Why did you do that?
• What day is it?

Well???

More Musings Later, (If I can remember)

Discovery of Neat "Stuff"

Since I have discovered what I consider "neat stuff," I thought I would pass it on to you. You'll have to let me know if you consider it neat as well.


Has everyone discovered webcams? Not the porno type, but educational, scenic and strange? I'm not sure how I happened to stumble upon these, but I am hopelessly hooked. Let me give you an idea of what I did this past weekend (a small portion of it anyway):

I visited Key West and admired the ocean surf. It was beautiful, the weather was a balmy 72 degrees and people were waving as they passed the cam.


Then I visited the Wailing Wall in Jeruselem and even stuffed a prayer into a crevice. (Okay, you can type a prayer and someone prints it and does the deed for you.) In any event, it was a moving experience for me, really. I was actually able to see the Hassidic Jews as they prayed at the wall.


Then, I visited a place Unknown, MA United States, and watched for Ghosts via multiple webcams placed in a house built in the 1920s in Massachusetts. Watch a downstairs basement, several corridors, and a boiler room for any suspicious activity. Webcam images update every minute.


How about visiting Hong Kong? No problem...you'll see the city from a cable car all from the comfort of your home or office!


Want to watch penguins in Antartica? No problem!


One last thing...you HAVE to check out www.cutethingsfallingasleep.org and the 2nd video down (a beagle puppy). WATCH IT! You'll melt.


More Musings Later-

Healthcare in America SUCKS

Not too long ago, I was in the hospital. Now, before I entered this hospitial, I felt comfortable going to it, it seemed nice and clean, full of competant medical professionals. Boy, was I wrong.

Top 10 Things you can expect while in the Hospital

10. You're not going to get any sleep.

Nurses are in and out and out and in all freaking night. Do they bring towels? Water? something you can use? No, No, and No. That takes forethought.

9. You're going to drive the nurse's station crazy because you'll hit the wrong button on your remote and call them when you really want to watch channel 2.

The deep exaspperated sigh over the intercom evokes a vision of the nurse rolling her eyes at you.

6. You will encounter "Hospitalists". They are doctors but they have a crappy schedule and work "for" your regular doctor. You also won't be able to remember their names and what one says versus the other. What's even worse, you feel so bad, you don't care. You just want them to shut up.

5. There will be a sign above your bed that will say, "Do NOT take BP in left arm." They do it anyway.

(see the sign above the bed to the right?)

4. When they come to make up your bed with fresh linens, they bring you wash cloths and towels. The problem is once you use them, they never take them back.

3. When you carry on conversation with a "nurses tech" (they take temp, bp and put a bandaid on your boo-boo).

The conversation goes like this: "So, what kind of experience do you have to have to become a nurses tech?" Nurse's response? "Nothin, I'm right off the street".

2. My toilet paper doesn't runneth over -

You need a roll of toilet paper. You ask....and ask....and ask....the nurse looks bored and wonders if it's going to flurry outside. She walks out of the room and you ask...and ask...and ask some more.

1. You're ready to get out of the hospital because they are still scratching their heads over what you have and you know the bill is going to be expensive.

You punch the nurses station button and tell the nurse, "Where is the doctor? Nurse: "Maam, he is in another part of the building seeing a patient and then he is going home."

Your reply: "Don't make me get all Shirley MacLaine on you," there is a long silence. Next thing you know, the hospitalist is standing in front of you reading your tests which equates to: "I dunno".

Time to Clean out the Closet

Isn’t it amazing the things that you accumulate in your life? If you need a reminder, try cleaning out your closet. You know, the one you came out of at “that moment”.
I found myself doing just that a couple of weeks ago. I walked into “that closet” and took a good look. It was very good at keeping my personal things out of sight. It made everything look like it was in order and functioning just fine, thank you very much. I knelt down and opened some old boxes and started going through some of my childhood memorabilia.

I had to chuckle to myself, here is the lacey dress with petticoats that I wore when I was about 5 years old. Oh wait, the patent leather shoes….My God, here they are. Did I really wear all that? Oh, yes. Wait, here’s another box of photographs. I’m wearing my ever-present Shirley Temple hairdo, courtesy of my Mom, hair rollers and significant amounts of Dippidy-Doo and Aqua Net. I was the frilliest, most feminine little girl I had ever seen.

Then I looked at myself really closely. I think my eyes said it all. I was different. So different it was absolutely painful, and I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why or how I was different from everyone else. I looked like all the other little girls in elementary school. I looked at another picture and something caught my eye. I was standing in front of my elementary school smiling for the camera, and someone had spray painted on the brick walls, “Taryn is a Queer”. As I saw this phrase scrawled behind my right shoulder, I realized that it had been following me all my life. There it was, always right over my shoulder.

It wasn’t for quite a few years that I turned to a counselor to help me clean out my closet. Together we talked, I cried, felt relief, anger, denial, guilt, and a plethora of other emotions. I had to experience them all to get where I am now. I put the lid back on the boxes and neatly arranged them in my closet. I turned out the light and quietly closed the door and thought to myself, I’m glad I had the courage to clean out my closet.

Need help with cleaning out your closet? Don’t hesitate to contact a counselor, trusted friend or parent. You’ll be glad you did.

More Musings Later-

Whitney Houston, Kathie Lee and Hoda and More...

I don't know about all of you, but I have been getting my jollies from Saturday Night Live lately. Why? you ask?? They really have talented people on right now although I hated to see Tina Fey and Amy Poehler leave the show. They were the yin and yang of each other.

Which leads me to my first comments on the Grammies from last night. Did anyone see Whitney Houston? Whoa. She looked fabulous but she was still high on something...I thought she might break out in her "Weed is whack" chant with Diane Sawyer any moment. Instead, she introduces Clive Davis and gives her acknowledgement and love to him. ?

Can I get a "Chaka Khan"?

Then, I remembered when Saturday Night Live began having this woman imitate her. She was hysterical, but I had to remember she is a very talented singer that has lost the battle with drugs. At least back then. Is she damaged goods now? Is she always going to talk like that? You think her Aunt Dionne's Psychic Friends would have warned her. All I can say is, Praise Jesus that Cissy Houston has custody of her daughter. Otherwise, she's going to think it's normal living the way she did before.

Moving on to Kathie Lee and Hoda

I have to say I MUCH prefer Kathie Lee working with Hoda than seeing her on with Regis Philbin. I mean, Regis is just too MUCH! He always shouts his sentences in a crescendo with the loudest "oomph" for the exclamation point. I'm shocked he hasn't had a stroke. Then, Kathie Lee was Cody this, Cody that, Cassidy this, Frank that. She was exhausting. Watching "LIVE" left me drained and needing a nap. And, have I noticed that all woman that co-host with Regis are required to stop eating? I didn't even recognize Kelly Ripa when she first started the show.

Why Hoda is better than Reeg..

Hoda is a laid back kinda gal that doesn't care to get on anyone's bad side. She has a cute personality and is willing to take a back seat to Kathie Lee's hangover from the Reeg days. Again, SNL began spoofing them and it is HYSTERICAL. Not so much for the job they do on Hoda, but the woman who does Kathie Lee is dead on. From the goofy dances, talking of hormones, sweating, did I say hormones? and her adventures with the carbon copy of Bill Clinton's sex drive; Frank.

Yes, K & L show the spoofs each week and I cackle each time I see it. And, Kathie Lee gets strangely quiet when they are shown and Hoda sits back and smiles really big for the camera. You can tell she is LOVING it.

Corporate America (Yes, I'm going there...)

If you have read my blog at all over the years you will know at least 1 thing about me: Corporate America is not my favorite entity within our culture. That's putting it delicately.

I have to say that when President Obama (nice ring to it, eh?) was chastising CEO execs over their "shameful" actions and irresponsibility with finances and their personal salaries/compensation packages; I was shocked. I honestly was.

I sat looking stunned for a few moments and listened more...then it hit me. President Obama must have never worked for a Fortune 500 company before. I'm sure that if you go to an employee of XXX, Inc. and ask them about financial corruption and so forth, their response would be, "Yeah, and???"

The snip of video that I saw on ABC said it all: The CEO's were seated behind a desk begging for money. When a senator asked what was being done in order to help get their financial issue under control, the CEO rattled off dozens of "corporate america buzz words." The senator let him finish his gibberish and then said, "Now tell me in English." The CEO stammered and looked uncomfortable until the senator offered a suggestion: "How much do you make as a salary?" he asked.

The CEO hesitantly said, "7 million dollars in salary and 1.5 million stock options of company stock." The senator looked disgusted (I was enjoying this part of watching a CEO squirm) and asked, "Do you think you could pare down the salary and options a bit? I mean, you are laying off thousands of employees and you seem content to do that and keep a rather large compensation package." The CEO mulled it over for a few seconds and then slightly smiled at the senator. "I'm doing okay, thanks anyway."

Instead of getting a laugh to ease the situation, he got uncomfortable silence for almost a minute. Almost as if people couldn't believe that he admitted it and said it. And, he didn't mind screwing over his employees as long as he could live an extravagant lifestyle.

That CEO has been my experience in every big conglomerate corporate giant. When he made his last statement, I was furious. While I'm not one of his casualties, I felt so badly for the ones who worked for this sorry excuse of a human being. I was also furious because it reminded me of all the blood, sweat and tears I shed when I worked for corporations such as his. All the anxiety, the office politics, the invisible eggshells that lay on the floor daring us to not crack or break as we move about.

I'm still furious. So, when you appear surprised at the actions of these senior level employees of their greed, I'm jealous that I can't be surprised too.

So, the question "Is Corporate America corrupt?"

Slightly smiling I would reply, "DUH, Ya THINK?"

How Come?

How Come-

The people that are doing dental commercials all have dentures?

How Come-

Girls/Women scream for male rock stars? You don't see guys screaming for Beyonce or Christina Aguillera...?

How Come-

People want a celebrity to sign their name on a piece of paper?

How Come-

Some gay guys are attracted to guys that look like women? Wouldn't that make them straight?

How Come-

Gay girls are attracted to masculine women? Wouldn't that make them straight?

How Come-

Little kids are so cruel to other kids at recess?

How Come-

The Ku Klux Klan wear those ridiculous robes with hoods?

How Come-

Ray Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens does that strange, vulgar dance when he comes onto the football field?

How Come-

As a kid, you feel like you know alot of answers, but the older you get, the less you know!

How Come-

Paula Abdul is a judge on American Idol? She doesn't critique anyone except to say they look beautiful or handsome. Not to mention she's not a singer.

How Come-

Paula Abdul wants to be on "Dancing with the Stars" when she is a professional dancer?

How Come-

Willie Nelson,Porter Waggoner and Bob Dylan became famous singers? Their voices are pretty crappy, although 2 of them are great songwriters.

How Come-

Garth Brooks talks about himself in 3rd person?

How Come-

Peyton Manning sounds like he needs to blow his nose all the time?

How Come-

Ann Coulter said that 9/11 widows "wanted attention" after the attacks? I think it's the other way around.

How Come-

Bill O'Reilly thinks that the country needs him to tell us what is "spin or no spin"? I think he is a goober.

How Come-

Our government doesn't implement "Domestic Partnership" for gay couples with the same rights as married couples?

How Come-

This blog seems to crash by saying, "Internet Explorer could not establish a connection." I'm obviously online?

How Come?

Well?

More Musings Later-

Falls, Referrals and Boots, Oh My!

Can I say one thing I have observed in recent months?

HEALTHCARE SUCKS

Now, I didn't bitch when I got the vasculitis (Churg/Strauss Syndrome) although I wanted to! I won't post the pics of my breakout they are so disgusting...but, I am 46 and have been fairly healthy for the most part...no major surgeries and so forth. So, what the hey, I decided to grin and bear it. I kept thinking of my sister putting up with the same crap only much more so and now I was feeling some of her pain.

So, I still have a nasty rash on my legs and feet and I guess I've grown used to seeing it. I'm on my last antiobiotic (Praise Jesus) and I've weaned myself off of insulin and massive doses of steroids.

Can I say steroids SUCK? I was SO depressed while taking it in the hospital and at home. I remember when I watched a football game one evening, it was the NY Giants vs somebody that I can't remember at the moment and they lost. (I was rooting for NY). What did I do? I cried like a baby. Then when my Titans lost, I sobbed. Why???? STEROIDS. Don't take them, they suck.

Okay, then I am weaning myself off all this crap, right? Then on Sunday, I had been working and was seated with my laptop on my lap. I stood up and my Parkinson's got me. My balance was horrible and I could feel myself going down. Next thing I know, I feel something crack and my ass is on the floor. My knee is swollen and my foot was throbbing in pain. Oh, it's just a twisted ankle, I think to myself. I try to get back up and stand up on that leg....no, it isn't a twisted ankle, nor a sprain. I mean this HURT.

So, once again I go to the doctor who is trying to make an appointment with a Rhumatoid Arthritus doctor for my vasculitis. "Change in plans, doc...I hurt my foot really bad." So, I go to see a orthopedist today. I roll up my pants leg to show him my foot and he looks horrified. "Oh yeah, I have vasculitis." He puts on plastic gloves and looks like he is going to pass out examining my foot. He starts examining my foot, pressing here, pressing there....nothing too painful.

He goes to look at my x-ray. He comes back and takes his thumb and presses in the center of my foot below my 2nd toe. After he regained his hearing from the shriek of pain I bellowed, he remarks, "Did you take alot of steroid for your vasculitis?" I tell him yes.

"You know that steroids weaken your bones, right? That's probably what happened with your foot. By the way, your metatarcel bone is broken."

So, here I am hobbling out of the dr's office with a big honking foot brace. "See me in 2 weeks, it should heal on it's own," he reminds me.

Part of me is pissed and the other part thinks it's funny. I wish you could have seen the sheer horror on the dr's face when looking at my legs/feet.

I guess this long post brings me to this; I was trying to look on the bright side of all of this and it felt like it just kept coming at me. I was mad about it! But, I was brought up to make the best of things. Which I tried my best.

But tonight, I thought of a section of Roseanne Barr's book when she was detailing a similar situation. Here's the gist:

"I went to the store as a little kid and bought groceries for the family with money my mother gave me. I would walk to and from the store with 2 big bags...On my way out of the store, I saw an old lady that dropped some money and didn't realize it. I put my bags down and ran to get the money to give back to the old lady. I tripped when I ran through a pothole and fell.

It was then that I learned that God hates a kiss-ass."

More Musings Later-