The "N" word and Paula Deen

My, there is an uproar regarding Paula Deen's mention of the highly offensive word, "N*****".

To tell you the truth, I am a little surprised that she actually told the truth in her deposition.  It seems that alot of people fudge or even completely bold-face lie during those things, but I digress. (Bill Clinton and some other folks come to mind).

When you stop and think about it, Paula Deen is of that generation that lived through the civil rights movement AND she lives in the deep south.  I'm not saying she should get a free pass to say that word or any other demeaning phrase.  I AM saying the woman needs to explain herself completely.

Deen is clinging to the role of victim with the desperate hope that her fans will ignore her prior transgressions.  In fact, Deen is playing the role of victim so well that when she was on the Today show, she acknowledges saying the word but then makes reference to the Bible verse stating "those without sin, cast the first stone..."  It all craters from there.  She ends the reference with blubbering and wearing the crown of martyr.  "Throw that stone so hard at my head that it kills me!" she wails to the camera.  "I want to meet you!" she cries, again referring to wanting to meet someone without sin.

This is just my 2 cents, but you know what she should have done? Don't skip out on the Today show due to "exhaustion".  Go on the show as scheduled and explain yourself.  Something like this:  "I grew up and lived during the civil rights era.  There was alot of ignorance in the day toward citizens who happened to be black. It was an ugly period in U.S. History and particularly so in the south.  I did say the "N Word" but I have grown and evolved since the days when I uttered that hateful word.  I'm not proud of using that term and haven't said that word again in (insert # of years here.)"

That's it.  There really is no reason to blubber on television, plead with America to "throw the first stone," etc.  Just explain yourself.  If the above truly reflects your opinion of the civil rights era, no reasonable person would fault you for what you said years ago.  Everybody deserves a second chance and I'm quite willing to give Paula Deen hers.  But don't ask me to throw a stone at your head so you can play martyr, cause I just might have to do as you request.

More Musings Later-

I Remember "First Days"

This morning I went to the grocery store to pick up a few items that I needed.  Outside, it looked like rain so I naturally wanted to get in and out of the store as quickly as possible so that I wasn't stuck loading groceries in and out of my car during a rain storm.

Once I grabbed the last item, I waited in line to be checked out.  The number of lines open were sparse because there weren't many shoppers out since it was a "work" day. So, I picked a line and waited...and waited...and waited.  There was a woman in front of me who was the visual definition of aggravation.  Her Kroger card wasn't working and she wasn't about to pay "full price" for some fruit she wanted to purchase.  As you can imagine, the hierarchy of store personnel was dispatched one by one to assist a very frazzled checker.  

People behind me were groaning and giving dirty looks to the checker as they waited impatiently in line.  It was quite a lesson that was being given in my neighborhood store but no one was getting it.  I watched as the  supervisor then assistant manager, then the store manager frantically questioned the checker while punching and jabbing the buttons on her register.  Everyone was huffing and puffing, giving dirty looks, slapping a contrary cash register and I was watching the frazzled checker put the brakes on tears that wanted desperately to spill on her cheeks.

I asked her the obvious.  "This your first day?"  She looked at me mournfully and nodded yes.  I looked around again and the woman in front of me was still getting snippy with the hierarchy of store personnel and the sacker began shouting over the din, "Do you want me to open another register or what?"  All because people were being impatient.  Waiting for the line to flow again and for the poor checker who was having a glaringly bad first day.

She turned to me once more; "I'm so sorry..."  I waved her off and said, "Look, I remember first days.  They suck.  Once you've been doing this job for a several days, you'll look back and say, 'Why did I struggle with this so much?"  She listened and cocked her head as she thought about what I said.  "You're going to have ALOT of first days.  They all suck, the secret is to trust yourself and just get past that one day.  I have no where to be, so take your time."  She smiled gratefully and finally got to my checking of groceries.

Guess what? She didn't make any mistakes.  She had a smile on her face and I got a heartfelt, "Thank You." In this age of technology, we are becoming less and less patient, both with ourselves and others.   Next time you're standing in line and grumbling about it, remember, it might be someone's first day.

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Giving Advice from Sage to Innocense

I've been in a very pensive mood these days.  I guess getting into later years does that to a person.  An old friend of 30 some odd years spent the holidays with me and my sister this past year and telling old stories of "remember when?" were constantly recounted.  They were some awfully good times back in the day.  Yet, there were some pretty awful times too.  I looked at my guest and saw the years of life experience all over his face and knew I had the same.  In fact, we traveled a fairly similar path.  I guess that is what got me to thinking about decisions and experiences that I've had over the years.

I guess when we are younger, we feel like we have the world by the tail.  I call that innocence. We all know that the further we travel into our life, the more humble and somewhat overwhelmed at times we become with the life process.  I was always a worrier, even as a child.  Afraid to make mistakes, look stupid, you name it.  If I had only known then what I know now.  We all make mistakes, look stupid and the key is to get back up and continue on with the business of life.  There IS a point to it, I feel certain.  And, I can see key lessons that I've had to repeat over and over because I failed to pass the "earth pop test".

If I had the chance, I would have loved to sit my innocent self down from many years ago and offer some advice from my sage life experience.  Like what, you ask?

1. You might as well get over the fear of looking stupid and making mistakes.  Everybody makes'em and everybody looks stupid on a fairly regular basis.

2. This is a big one:  Trust your gut.  Get a bad feeling about a person?  job? Trust yourself.  Walk away from anything that sounds your inner alarm.  It's okay to do that.

3. Did you walk away from the experience that set your inner alarm off and it turned out to be okay in spite of it?  That's okay.  You're human.

4. Are you in a job where you are increasingly frustrated, stressed and feeling trapped?  Run, do not walk away from this job.  It wouldn't hurt to look for opportunities while still employed, but if nothing presents itself, work for a temp agency.  No job or situation is worth aggravation, despair, frustration or feeling stressed.  YOU are more important than that.

5. I'll warn you innocent self, you're going to fall in love one day and fall in love HARD.  Don't fret about it so much.  Enjoy this intoxicating feeling.  It's rare to be truly in love, so enjoy it.  Enjoy and remember every wonderful second you can.

6. Remembering those wonderful moments will take some of the sting out of a failed relationship. You're going to wonder how to even breathe when it's over.  And, you'll recall the countless times when you stayed up until all hours listening to "You" by Bonnie Raitt and how it still gets you to this day when you hear it.

7. It's going to take a long time, but you'll eventually find your grief to be in your past.  You never forget it, but you are somehow able to put one foot in front of the other and breathe.

8.  Be grateful for the experience, Innocence. You'll  get to the point where you'll feel  profound sadness for your ex's trials and tribulations.  Just don't let that be an excuse to forget or excuse what was done to you.

That's about it.  If I could have had this conversation with myself so many years ago, it may have made a difference.  But, knowing me, the words wouldn't penetrate and I would have missed alot of life experiences.

I guess it's just as well that I am able to look back and know that I learned a little something in this life.

More Musings Later-

Likes and Gripes

I've developed a very bad habit lately and that is I've been neglecting my writing/blog for too long.  It's not that I don't still have my thoughts on social media, life, politics and television, I just haven't made the time to post about it.

So, without further adieu: GRIPES
People who wear their shirt sleeves too long to the point of the sleeve covering their hands.  If this is some sort of style, I don't like it.

People who wear shirt tails hanging out from a sweater.  It looks like you forgot to tuck your shirt in.  Makes no sense to me.

If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times:  I despise the baggy pants on guys.  It looks absolutely ridiculous as the wearer of this garment has to hold the waist of his pants while he walks around.  Of course, he must have on underwear or he could be arrested for indecent exposure.  Why is this fad continuing?  If guys knew the origin of this fad, I'm willing to claim odds they would buy a pair of pants that fit, asap.

How much longer must the public endure "The Bachelor?"  Make it stop.

Why do furniture commercials always have people dancing in them?

Men who cut their hair short and shape it into a point on the top of their head.  It looks ridiculous.  Stop it.

Men and women who have the "tousled" hair do.  There's a difference in a "natural" look and the art of putting a mixer on top of your head and pressing start.

Men who have stubble and the tousled look.  If you're going for the look of "I just woke up,"  Mission accomplished.  Take a shower and shave for God's sake.

That the Kia car dealer in Nashville doesn't do his own commercials anymore because of his altercation with the police.

LIKES
The new show "Nashville".  I LOOOOVE this show.

The fact that Facebook has reunited me with so many of my friends from my past.

The fact that I love my life.

Watching movies.  I've really gotten interested in doing this again.  Can't wait to see Star Trek's newest movie in May.

That Obama won. :D

The Shark Tank.  It's refreshing to watch a show where people are educated on finance and entrepreneur's creativity and strategy.  One of the few shows that allows people to use their brain.

Imitating Barbara Corcoran for my sister.

Laughing so hard that I cry.

Dr. Phil.  You never have to guess what he thinks.

That I'm blogging again.  :)


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Hatred and Division

You know, in the past year, I've noticed that people in general have become more vitriolic in their beliefs.  Especially as it pertains to politics and religion.  Our nation has just conquered one hurdle which was a major one that left me emotionally drained.  If you haven't guess it, I'm talking about the presidential election.

Never before have I witnessed such name-calling, spiteful comments (from both sides) and general hatred and division among our country over the election of president.  Every 4 years, I swear I won't get so invested in the election and debates thereof, and as usual, I break my word to myself every time.  The stakes are too high not to.  Now that the election is over, I was relieved to see that life does go on and people were able to collect themselves once more and carry on with the business of living.

Then, the tragedy in Connecticut happened.  This is not the first time our country has witnessed death and destruction of lives at the hand of a crazed gunman. In this year alone, there was the gunman who open-fired on a movie theater audience, the shooting of Trayvon Martin and now the massacre of 20 innocent children and 6 courageous adults at the hand of another gunman.

These murders weren't carried out with a Saturday Night special handgun.  Not even a hunting rifle.  These were done with military type assault weapons capable of shooting hundreds of bullets at a clip.  Why are citizens allowed to purchase these types of weapons?  It's insane.

The end of this year gives me pause.  It's as if our united engagement in hatred and division as a people is resulting in a spiraling, out of control, karmic catastrophe. I don't know about you, but I am saying a prayer for all those lives lost as well as their families in hopes that hatred and division will become love and unity.  

Maybe that sounds alot like a sappy "liberal", I say it sounds like hope.

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A Bronx Tale

In the last couple of years, I've been watching more movies than I ever did before.  It's a combination of reasons such as watching movies at home is more economical than spending 8 bucks at a theater and this type of entertainment agrees with my health situation.

I've discovered some great Independent films and the like as well as sleeper movies that should have done better at the box office.  A few weekends ago, I was introduced to the film, "A Bronx Tale," which was Robert DeNiro's first crack at directing a film.   This film captured me from the very beginning, it felt like I lived in that neighborhood and experienced the sights, smells and sounds of daily living in that New York borough. It was familiar and genuine to someone who grew up in southeast Texas, a world away from the type of life this film depicts.

So why was it so familiar? Intriguing? I'll tell you why; Chazz Palminteri.  He is the writer of the one man play, the screenwriter for the film and leading actor for both written efforts.  The story details a young boy's life during the early 1960's in the Bronx.  He witnesses a murder in front of his home and becomes an unwilling witness at the scene of the crime.  The murder is committed by known mobsters that rule his neighborhood with an iron fist. As the cops ask the boy to identify the mobster as the killer, he lies to protect "the bad guys". A bond is created between the mobster and that young boy that last years into his adulthood. The movie offers no-nonsense advice regarding life, destiny, friendship, fear and respect.

The most intriguing aspect of this movie is that Chazz Palminteri portrays the mobster who becomes a father figure to the young boy.  In reality, Palminteri IS that young boy.  This is a true story and he recreates his tale for live audiences in a one man play.

His wordsmithing is something to behold.  I find myself wanting to watch the film over and over as it now rates as one of my all time favorite films.  Palminteri's fleeting childhood into early adulthood could have broken some men.  But, the gritty life lessons he learned were not lost and his flair for storytelling catapulted him into a rare breed of writer. His skills as a writer is something Palminteri will never be accused of wasting.

After all, "The saddest thing in life is wasted talent."

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The art of "Agreeing to Disagree"

Make no mistake, election year is upon us and the two sides on either side of the aisle are battling it out.  The Conventions have come and gone and the debates are looming next month.

Those of you who read my blog know that I am a tree-hugging, granola eating liberal Democrat.  I've been one all of my life.  I think the only great president that was a Republican was Abraham Lincoln.  There ya go, liberal through and though and wouldn't have it any other way.

However, there are Republicans that are just as conservative as I am liberal.  And, it always seems that I befriend these individuals!  I made a recent post on Facebook stating that I couldn't understand how anyone could be a Republican.  I wasn't being mean or nasty, I truly can't wrap my mind around it.  My friend Lisa,  reminded me through her response to my post that she doesn't like the direction the country is headed and that she is proud to be Republican.  As I read her comments, I smile and know that she is speaking from her heart.  Of course, others will post and make comments to demean the other whose beliefs are different from their own.  Politics can be downright mean spirited and hateful.

I think Lisa is amazing.  She listens to my liberal ideas and never demeans or belittles my intelligence or character.  She respects my ideas and opinions.  She just clearly has opposite views and speaks her truth as loudly and as often as I do.  I respect Lisa.  She is a great parent to her children, she is a hard worker and smart as a whip.

We're never going to agree on politics.  We're the prime example of mastering the art of "Agreeing to Disagree."  If Lisa and I can be friends and value each other's opinion; maybe there's hope for our political parties.

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Finding Hidden Gems in Netflix

Yes, I'm just discovering the wonderful world of Netflix. At first glance, I thought it would be a typical video online store offering the latest releases but I was wrong.  There are some of those along with countless lesser known films and documentaries that boggle the mind.

I watched one film that was spoken entirely in French with subtitles titled "Tomboy".  I thought this was one of the most beautiful films I had seen on gender identity.  It takes the viewer along for a ride to show what it's really like for someone to identify with the opposite gender.  It affects that person, their family and everyone around him or her.  I truly felt for this little girl, who was so comfortable as a boy yet struggled mightily as a girl.  The film was sweet and sad and in the end, hopeful.  Those of us who have walked a similar path, it will leave you thinking about the film for days afterward.  

The next film I watched was "Puncture", a drama about 2 lawyers in Houston that take on a corporation in the health care field due to risky drug manufacturing.  The catch?  One of these brilliant lawyers is a drug addict.  Between snorting lines of coke, drinking bourbon and the like, he's crafting a legal prosecution fit for the finest legal minds.  I was captivated from start to finish.  Here's the kicker:  the story is true.  Rent it you won't be sorry.

Sarah's Key was another gem that details the life of a Jewish, French family who are taken by soldiers in 1942.  The apartment they live in holds a secret that a current French family discover as they learn more about the past of Sarah.   The anguish and horrors of concentration camps is a familiar one although it is happening in France this time.  It was a haunting story especially because it was based on a true story.  It makes you want to trace your family's roots by the time the movie is over.

Thank you, Netflix.  I would have never discovered these jewels without you.

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The Battle for Jackson MONEY

Unless you've been under a rock recently, you've no doubt heard about the Jackson family ruckus regarding Michael's children.  For those who need catching up, it appears that some of the Jackson children (Randy, Jermaine, Janet and Rebbie) are challenging the validity of Michael's will.  Randy's main argument is that the will was signed by Michael and that it states that he was in Los Angeles, California at the time of signing.  However, Michael was actually in New York according to sources.

Does it make any difference that the will was drafted in LA vs. NY?  According to lawyers this is a non-issue.  The judge has ruled that it is simply an oversight and that the will is legitimate.  Randy goes on to say that their argument regarding the will has nothing to do with money.  Oh really?  Then what is the issue?  Meanwhile, Katherine (Michael's mother) is missing for more than a week and is finally found to be with Rebbie's family in Arizona.  This might not be all that unusual except that Paris and Michael's other children had no idea where she was.  When they were told of her whereabouts, Paris wasn't allowed to phone Katherine.  Why?

Now, TJ Jackson is the temporary guardian over Michael's children.  He stated in court that Katherine didn't "sound like herself, she was slurring some words," etc.  Are her own children overpowering her so that they can take control of Michael's children?  It appears to an outsider that they are doing precisely that.  Why else would Janet, Jermaine and Randy ambush the children's limo at their home?  Were they preparing to swipe the children?  The only ones who know for sure are the Jacksons.

The ones that I feel sorry for in this whole charade are Michael's children.  No wonder he broke from the family when he did.  Now, his children are going to have to make that same break again if they want to have any peace in their own lives.

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Gene Simmons and his Family Jewels

Yes, I watch this show somewhat religiously.  There's just something entertaining about watching rock's batman front man at his sprawling home front with his wife, Shannon Tweed and kids.

Gene Simmons is a funny fellow, there's no doubt.  I find him very likable for the most part (excluding his penchant for womanizing.)  Shannon is new wife, but same partner for 30 some odd years reminds me of one of those "cool" moms where kids feel welcome to come over and spend time with the parents.  They are, I mean, one of rock's coolest couples.  

Through this show, the world was introduced to Nicholas Tweed-Simmons and Sofie Tweed-Simmons, kids of the batman front man.  Nicholas and Sofie inherited just enough of their dad's looks to be dark and brooding but mostly benefited from their Mom's pristine features.  I have to hand it to Gene and Shannon, they produced for the most part, some pretty great kids.  You never pick up the paper to see them in drunken brawls, drug raids, or out of control parties.  

The thing that does irk me about this show is that I'm too emotionally invested in it.  I mean, I was practically pacing the floors when Shannon was contemplating whether to part ways with Gene or marry him.  Somehow, I knew that the marriage was coming...I mean, c'mon...ratings, right?  So they married.  Now that the kids have left the nest, Shannon wants to have more kids.  Uh...huh?  She is 58 years old and well, let's face it.  She's getting up there...by the time this kid graduates high school, she would be 76 years old.  Gene?  don't look for help rearing the kids there...he's along for the ride and makes it clear that it's his role.

What I don't understand is that Shannon is surprised when he says he doesn't want to have kids or adopt.  Well, DUH!  I love this show, but don't be stupid! The kid train has left.  Then, THEN, she asks "permission" from Nicholas and Sofie to have another kid.  Uh...why?  I can see getting their reaction, but Nicholas is having talks with Gene on how to tell his mom NO on a new kid.  It's not his place and Gene should grow a spine.  I mean really....

Sigh...see? I'm too invested.  It's just a show.  It's just a show...it's just a show.  sigh.

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From "Middled Aged" to "Aging"

I finally did it.  I changed my header on this blog to reflect "aging" instead of middle aged. Why? because if I were middle-aged, that would mean there is a better than good chance of living until I'm 100.  I don't think that's gonna happen.

There's something sobering about getting older.  Not only do the aches and pains come with more frequency, but one tends to ponder life a bit more.  I read where one comic wistfully wished that we would age in reverse.  That is, we would start out old and gradually reach our youth.

How wonderful would that be?  You would have all the knowledge and experience of having lived and would have the good sense to enjoy life more when you can physically do the most...when you're young.  Just think, no more "I'll travel when I retire," mentality.  You would start out pinching pennies and sock away savings until you can travel the world in your 20's or 30's!

It's an intriguing idea to say the least.  I know alot of people swore they would see the world, bungy-jump, scale the tallest mountain and now they are too ill to do so.  One thing I will never regret is doing the traveling and vacationing abroad that I did when I was able to do it.

It's not the things you do that you regret so much.  It's the things you DIDN'T do.  Moral of the story? Be in the moment and live like there's no tomorrow.  I guarantee you won't regret it.

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Racism is Alive and Well, unfortunately.

As a 50 year old female, painfully aware of the racial tensions in America, I never thought I would see in my lifetime an African American President.  Never in a million years.  The deep south has always held onto it's stubborn racist beliefs with a vengeance.  I grew up seeing the KKK roam my town and saw cross burnings on the local news more times than I care to count.

While I'm still located in the buckle of the bible belt south, that's one of the reasons I migrated north of where I used to live.  Racism makes my skin crawl and it boggles my mind that African Americans are STILL fighting for equality.  Never mind other groups fighting for those same rights (GLBT, women, etc.)

It pains me to say that moving north is not the answer.  Why? There are just as many racists living in the northeast as there are in the southwest.  The Donald Trumps of the world know that much.  I am amazed and angered that Trump continues to harass President Obama regarding his birth certificate.  Is it really the fact that he believes he is from another country other than the United States?  Of course not.  It is a carefully masked jab that a black man (or woman) does not deserve to be the President of the United States.  Consider it a "Well Bless Your Heart" dig from the north.  That phrase is usually uttered among southerners when they disapprove of a particular stance and don't want to state so emphatically.

The lack of respect and continued questions regarding President Obama's birth certificate make my blood boil.  He is our president and deserves the respect.  For God's sake, as stupid as George W. Bush is, I still maintain that point.  And, he got that respect while in office.

As far as I'm concerned, Donald Trump should shut up or be willing to wear the banner he is disguising by questioning our President's birth country.  Then again, all that comes to mind is, "Bless Your Heart," Donald Trump.

urban dictionary: 

1.	Bless your heart
	1. This is a term used by the people of the southern United States particularly near the Gulf of Mexico to express to someone that they are an idiot without saying such harsh words.

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